There is no Right Path, there is Your Path – Are You Committed to Walking It?

We wake up, we decide something. Or something just happens to us and we find ourselves on a path.  Sometimes we look around and decide it’s a pretty cool place to be and decide to stay the course and enjoy it.  Sometimes we look around and wonder how the hell this happened.

Which camp are you in? Are you in the “it’s pretty cool here, I will hang” or the “WTH” camp? If you are in the second camp, I am talking directly to you right now.

It doesn’t matter how it happened, it matters what you do now.

I recently had a meltdown. I wondered how the hell my life had gotten to where it was. I railed at the universe begging it to tell me what it wanted, what I was supposed to be doing.  It felt like every decision I tried to make, every course I tried to follow was blocked or so rocky I couldn’t overcome it regardless of my efforts.

This manifested in the physical realm as we were slammed with a snowstorm and my paths were literally blocked, I couldn’t even get home – the hill too steep and slippery to climb.  I clearly saw the metaphor.  And seeing it only made the pain of frustration continue to build.

The same day, I had broken a crowned tooth and the path to fix it felt so financially unattainable that fear gripped me.  All I kept seeing were the competing images of the money raining down on me to fix it and walking around looking like a toothless hillbilly the rest of my life.

I found myself in my studio in complete despair asking my partner why I should even go on.  Why bother anymore?  My practice is down, my bills are mounting, my tooth is broken, my insurance sucks…why even try?  Why not just give up and say fuck it, I tried and it didn’t work.

As I said those words, I rebelled inside.

I don’t quit, I see the obstacle and I kick the shit out of it and persevere. This is what I do.  I see the limit and I tell it no. 

But in that moment of despair, I was willing to let the limit win.  Even typing those words now after the passage of time, my heart aches and I feel like I have betrayed myself by thinking that for even a moment.

My path is the No Limits path.  I made the conscious decision to walk the No Limits path after finding myself on a different path I had fallen into in an effort to run away from a life I believed to be everything I never wanted.  I found the No Limits path after waking up over a period of time and wondering how the hell I ended up where I was.  I found that energy again when I had my breakdown.

As with every experience I have, I wondered how this could benefit others, and I realized that in all of these instances, I was forced to ask myself a few key questions.  These questions get my head and my heart straight so that I can walk my path in full consciousness and awareness and service to spirit and my fellows.

If you find yourself questioning “how did I get on this path?” – ask yourself these questions through journaling and meditation and get rigorously honest with yourself. 

  1. What the hell am I doing?
  2. What part of me am I feeding with this activity?
  3. Am I busy or productive?
  4. Is where I am now getting me closer or farther away from the vision of my future self/life I have?
  5. What is the most important thing in my life right now?

These questions serve to center you where you are as well as remind you of where you are going.  In other words, you choose your path and you commit to walking it.

It feels easier to just go with the flow you are in right?  It feels that way because you have to take fewer actions and make fewer decisions about what is really right for you.

But what if you aren’t in the right flow?  What if the path that flow is in isn’t the one you really want?  Well, then you need to commit to a new path and a new flow.

Choose where you commit, choose the path you commit to.  There are No Limits to the ways you can be and live in this world, it is a pretty awesome place.

I survived my meltdown. I made it home, I recommitted to my path.  I did it by using those questions first in discussion with my partner and then in communion with spirit in meditation.  And spirit said, “share this and commit to your path.”

What are you doing right now?  Are you committed to your path or are you looking for a new one?  Comment below or email me at Jennifer@nolimitslife.guru with your thoughts.  Then head out to www.nolimitslife.guru to grab your free InnerGuru Guide with 3 practices to get in touch with your own inner guru to guide you through trying times.

Fight the Funk! 3 Ways to Get Over It When Your Dream Gets Funky

For most of us, it feels scary to take the leap into the vision or dream you hold in your soul.  Some of us do it anyway.  We embrace the fear, hold it close and transform it into fuel for the journey to become that person we feel called to be in this lifetime.  Our dreams become our new reality and we are ecstatic.  We are living the No Limits Life.

This ecstasy lasts a while, sometimes a long while. For some of us it never fades, there is no right of passage law that says you have to go through a dark time.

But some of us feel a funk setting in at a certain point, and it sucks.

We can fall into a funk because it just is not as shiny and fun as it was in the beginning.  We have a choice as the initial ecstasy begins to fade: We can decide to see the bigger picture, revise our vision from this new foundation we have built and let the journey continue to even bigger dreams and visions, or we can just slide into oblivion.

About 3 years ago I arrived at the decision that I was going to go for my dream.  I left my corporate job, went into business for myself and built a thriving life coaching practice.  Busy as hell, I realized I needed to rework how I worked and set about creating a stronger foundation.

And everything started changing – in some cases by my own conscious decision and in some cases because I made decisions that had natural consequences.  Over time, as things shifted, I found myself moving farther away from the new foundation building and the continuing journey I wanted and more into the funky side of funk as I lost sight of the fun and excitement and got caught up in drudgery.

I found there are real consequences to letting this funk take root, the kind of consequences that require more than the “oh it will pass, trust spirit” kind of bullshit platitude.

I want to share three of the consequences I experienced and what I learned about getting over them in the future.  This is for those of you out there, in business for yourself and floundering a little, might not feel so completely alone.

This is for those of you who refuse to slide into oblivion.

  1. Financial. This can be a big one.  When your excitement over your business fades, your ability to shine so brightly that the people looking for your services can’t help but find you also fades.  Your cash flow slows, your profitability decreases, and your new business growth declines.  Therefore your long term plan shrinks and without an optimistic vision for the future, your business fades.

I don’t think I have to describe the panic, anxiety and absolute terror this can incite.  Those of you who have felt it know it well and those of you who want to avoid it hold the specter of this bogey man in your mind well enough.

Get over it: Push pause on everything about your business that does not excite you.  Yes, this might feel impossible, but you aren’t quitting, you are pausing. Pick one thing that you are excited to deliver to the people looking for you. Pull into your mind the conversation you’d love to have with your next client or customer and focus on that project or product.  Tell everyone about it: newsletter, blog, social media, networking meetings, phone calls, random conversations in the line at the coffee house, your barista…you get my point. Talk about it, give it energy.  If you don’t tell people you have this amazing, kickass product or program, how will they be able to find you?  Once they access it, your cash flow is jumpstarted.  Try it, turn your shine back up.

  1. Wellness. When we start freaking out about stuff, we can internalize the crap out of a bunch of…crap. As it builds up and we get further entrenched in our foxhole with fear, we manifest illness. Illness is the opposite of wellness. We move further and further from wellness the more we embrace fear and the funk.  Illness can manifest as physical illness: depression, anxiety, weight gain, colds and flu, pain and more.  Or it can be more emotional: anger, rage, sadness, despair and depression again.  Or worse, you get both and functioning becomes so hard you don’t even want to get out of bed each day.

Get Over It: Stop and listen.  Get conscious of what is happening in your physical and emotional bodies.  You can’t even begin to address it if you don’t stop and acknowledge that it is happening. Take inventory of your diet, your exercise regime, your meditation or reflection practice and your practices for letting off steam.  To achieve and maintain wellness you need to have all of these in place – your physical and emotional bodies keep running on nothing.  Also notice, when you put crap into them, you get crap out so watch what you are feeding them both.

  1. Relationships. We tend to be most authentic with those closest to us, so when we feel nasty and funky, we get nasty and funky with the people closest to us. This does not make them our biggest fans in most cases. No matter how much they love us, there is only so much they can take from us before they lash back and tell us to fix ourselves or fuck off. We contaminate the place we should be able to reach for solace with our own bullshit.

Get Over It: Be honest.  Open up to those closest to you about what is going on.  Ask for their insight and listen.  Tell them you are having a tough time and that you want them to be on your side, know that any ickiness isn’t their fault, love you through it and be patient.  Ask them to hold you responsible for creating the new vision and to help you direct your energies that way.  But this isn’t up to them, it is up to you so you have to stay honest with yourself too.  When you are tempted to lash out and blame or enlist someone else in your emotion, pause and get honest and deal with it in a healthier way – maybe refer back to number 2 here.

With those 3 energies in mind, gauge your funk level and see if you need to employ any of these practices now to get back on, or stay on, track.

The idealist within wants to believe that if we step into our purpose and follow our calling that life just gets easier.  To some degree, this is true.  But it also requires more from us.  We have to hold ourselves accountable and step up in big ways when we are asked to.  These can be very scary and we can shy away from them.  When we do, the funk can set in.

Fight the funk. 

Fighting the funk requires vigilance, resilience and awareness of self in ways we may never have had to before. If you want to learn to access your inner guru who can help guide you in this awareness, click here to access my InnerGuru Guide and sign up to receive more insights on living the No Limits Life.

I love hearing other’s experiences, what other ways would you advise to get past the funk and get on track or stay there as you have fulfill your calling?

10 Ways to Be Your Own Best Friend

Start with this question: Am I the best, best friend in the entire world? Am I that same best friend for myself?

A great place to start looking is at the people you attract to yourself.  What kind of people are they? Do you love and admire them, or do they piss you off more often than not?

Are you the friend and ally to yourself you want others to be?

I know I haven’t always been the best I can be to myself or to others. I screw up sometimes, big time.  I see those screw ups reflected in the petty annoyances that follow, the odd people that appear and the volume of my inner bully voice as it attacks my inner victim. This continues until my inner guru calls a change of play and we get back on the path that is more authentic to us.

It is often said in many ways that you cannot give what you do not have. If you are not being your own best friend and doing what is right in the name of highest and best for you, it is pretty stinking hard to truly and authentically give that to others.

The list below is offered as a “get your energies flowing” list to see how you can improve your relationship with you. Use these as a starting point and adapt to make your own list and live by!  

  1. Create regular time for yourself. Have a playdate with yourself. Become the child you were when you played to have fun with just you. If you are like most of us, time for you takes a back seat to everyone else.  But if you cannot do this for you, you never fully recharge your energies and are giving from a place of lack.
  2. Personal Care. You tune up your car, clean your home – do the same for your body. Schedule the doctor or dentist appointment you have put off, spend a few hours in the bathroom to spruce or go big with a full day spa retreat. These are not just maintenance items, they are opportunities to connect with your physical, mental and spiritual bodies and invite growth.
  3. Eat Well. Learn about, if you don’t already know, what is best for you and then put the best quality foods and drinks into your body. Give your body the fuel it needs to operate at maximum efficiency. Pay attention to the crap that goes in and how much different it feels when you put good stuff in!
  4. Move. Physical movement increases happiness and can support a longer life. To spend the longest possible time with your best friend and ally, move. Let your physical system support you for as long as it can. Notice the high you feel after you have gotten up and moved around in comparison with the lethargy and lack of energy you have when you just sit there.
  5. Feed Your Soul. Socialize with people you care about, develop a spiritual practice, become part of a community, meditate, let fear take a backseat, use your strengths every single day. Your soul is the crux of who you are, what are you doing with it? Your soul is the key factor in how attractive or unattractive you are.
  6. Live Your Purpose. Similar to number 5, examine your “why am I here?” Sit in contemplation of your vision for your life and then ruthlessly make decisions that support living that life. You get way more interesting and animated when you have a vision for the future.  You will be able to excite yourself and draw others that share that vision.
  7. Live within your means. Get your finances in order, know where your money is coming from and flowing to and have a plan that you live by. Be conscious of where this resource is flowing and feel secure enough to say yes or no when the situation warrants. Money and all that it buys isn’t happiness, it is simple tool to support a lifestyle you want and that lifestyle is possible.
  8. Honesty. Say what you mean and mean what you say both out loud and in your head. Be rigorously honest in thought, word and deed for yourself and with others. You know when you are being fake and it feels gross doesn’t it?
  9. Laugh. Every day single day of your life, every hour if you dare, laugh with abandon and joy. Connect with playful energy of laughter and have fun. Think of how contagious laughter is!  It is way more fun to spread than criticism, gossip and bitching.
  10. Learn More. Always seek to learn more. Take classes, read, have debate, explore museums, take trips. Seek to learn more about the world around you and be informed. Educate yourself to allow new perspective, expanded awareness and open-mindedness. Think of the fuel for your soul, the stories to share, the inspiration to provide as you experience more and more of all this world has to offer.  It is a pretty big amazing world we live in, go for it!

That is my list!

Feel free to use it or create your own list of attributes for the best friend and ally you want and decide – am I this person today?  How can I draw closer to embodying that energy more fully?

Let Your Inner Guru Guide You: What will you do?  What would you add to this list to make it your own? Spend 10 minutes and describe your ideal friend.  Compare yourself to your description and then make adjustments where you want to move closer to that ideal.

Have you grabbed your free Inner Guru Guide yet?  You can find it on my website at www.nolimitslife.guru

10 Signs He Just isn’t With You

I have dated a lot of men.  I love men.  I think they are awesome.  In fact, I wrote a piece on exactly how much I love them that you can find here.

What I am sharing here isn’t a condemnation of the male species…if anything it is addressed to all the women out there who have men in their lives that aren’t really with them and they are deluding themselves by thinking they are.

It is a trap easily sprung by even the most savvy, authentic and conscious living female.  She finds a great guy who is tons of fun and they connect.  But she wants it to be more because it is so fun, he is so hot, there is so much potential.  And that potential is what she builds her delusion on.

The delusion is that there is more going on that what truly is.  I compiled the list below based on experiences I have actually had with men.  I definitely haven’t had them all with one man, I would hope if this experience manifested in one man I would recognize it pretty quick!

The “it” I refer to is when the guy you are with really isn’t “with you”. He is enjoying you, he is a fan of yours, he likes you, he really does. But he is not invested for any number of reasons: past wounds, not ready, doesn’t like certain things about you, is focused on some other area of his life or any other reason. The reason doesn’t matter. The fact is, he isn’t with you energetically, spiritually and sometimes even physically.

Here are ten signs I have found.  If you have more, comment below and I’d love to hear them!

  1. He tells you he isn’t. Let’s start here, with the obvious one. Don’t think that he is kidding. He isn’t. If he tells you he needs space, he does. If he tells you he doesn’t want a relationship, he is serious.
  2. He says No. A Lot. If he repeatedly turns you down when you invite him to do things you want to do, he isn’t with you.
  3. He doesn’t initiate time together. If you are always initiating the time you spend together. He really isn’t with you.
  4. All of your discussions circle back to him. Regardless of what you talk about, it comes back to him. You may have a close relative die and you will hear all about the time he lost his cat.
  5. He never gives gifts. He doesn’t think of you when he goes on trips and bring you back a trinket.  He doesn’t ever give anything of any value. No, it isn’t about the stuff, we all get that. But it shows you were on his mind. If you aren’t on his mind, he isn’t with you. For example, yesterday I got free garbage bags.  I was happy.
  6. He never says, “thought about you when…”. You don’t cross his mind when he sees things that are obvious reminders of you. It’s because he isn’t with you.
  7. There is no discussion of the future. You can’t bring up next week let alone next month and expect a commitment on anything.
  8. You split all expenses. He never treats and won’t let you treat.  It is important to him that all things be equal and there is no perception of owing anything – he keeps score.
  9. He won’t spend time with your family or close friends. He doesn’t want to get that invested because he isn’t really with you.
  10. Sex is fabulous and amazing and fiery but true intimacy is missing. You connect on a very physical level which is awesome, but there is a lack of intimacy that follows.  It is like the door shuts after the Big O.

Any number of these could manifest in a man and it isn’t necessarily a deal breaker right out of the gate. But if they are going on over time and nothing is changing, you might want to take a look at it.

You must honor yourself and love yourself enough to expect and ask for the very best in a partner.

If he is telling you directly or indirectly he isn’t it, then he probably isn’t.

I’d love to hear if you have any other signs!  Just comment below and share them!

Quote

Men Freaking Rock

My line of work as a life coach brings me into contact with all sorts of human issues: divorce, careers, business building, family challenges, personal demons and the like. Time and again I am consulted on an enigma women go crazy trying to solve: Men.

It frustrates me to hear women bitch about men. Men have amazing characteristics and if we value them for exactly what they are, how can we be dissatisfied?

There was a time I blamed them for all of my troubles as well. Let’s start with my record:

In relationships with “men” beginning at the ripe age of 7 continuously to the age of 38:

  •   5 Engagements
  • 2 Marriages
  • 2 Divorces
  • 2 Brothers – strained relationships
  • Predominately Male best friends in adulthood
  • Leader of Men in the military
  • Manager of men in a power plant
  • Manager, Colleague and employee of Men at a Defense Contractor.

There have been a lot of men in my life, professionally and personally.

It never felt right to blame the men in my life when I was the common denominator in all of those situations. I arrived at a simple truth as I sought to resolve and heal that history:

I love men.

I love being able to be direct with them. I worship the lack of subterfuge. I adore being able to have them open things that I cannot. I admire that they can be strong and direct and powerful and people love that about them. I find it fascinating that when they get all squishy we think it is novel and unique. I adore it when they demand I be strong, then turn around and take care of me. I melt when they insist on my independence so that they can have theirs, then openly crave my attention and bask in mine.

Men are fascinating, divinely inspired beings and sometimes I have the irrational desire to round them all up in a pen, pick out all my favorites and just play with those for the rest of my days.

Men seriously rock.

And yes, they are so human. Just as women get to be nurturers and caretakers and soft and sexy all at once, men get to be the hunters, protectors, hard and sexy all at once.

Nothing turns me on like having my partner place his hand on the small of my back as we cross the street so that he can make sure I get there safely. Or when he asks me text him when I get somewhere safely, then does the same for me. But it turns me on just as much when he looks at me with sleepy eyes and gives up for the day.

Why would I want that to be different, why ask him to be anything he is not?

I cannot bash men as a species. I cannot. I cannot endorse the “women rule the world” idea that has taken root in some circles. We don’t. We don’t rule the world because without men in the world doing what they do best, we’d not be a complete picture. We would be out of balance. We require this divine masculine and divine feminine to be in motion to be okay.

Let this be a challenge all women to value the men in your world for whom and what they are in the moment they live in. They are fallible, amazing, human, divine beings just like you. They are simply human. Treasure the gifts, strengths and talents they bring and in doing so, honor your own personal gifts, strengths and talents.

Yes. I Love Men.

How Unfinished Tasks Can Ruin Our Lives

Open Cycles will drain us. They are like little vacuums hovering around our lives, sucking energy, resources and attention away from the things that truly matter. Open cycles are simply voids that will continue to suck at whatever they can, because they want to feel full, they want to feel complete and until we, the owners of those voids pay proper attention, they will not.

Cycles, as I am referring to them here are things we initiate or are created by us that require our action or attention in some form or fashion such as: projects, books, email, classes, bills, ideas, or dreams.

There are two states of the cycle:

  1. Closed. When we close a cycle, we complete it. We finish the action, answer the mail, or follow through with the thought.
  2. Open. When we leave it open, it lingers unfinished and stacks up in our conscious or unconscious awareness.

Often these open cycles are simply the result of an unmade decision: a simple yes or no to be said.  Yet, we leave the question unanswered for any number of reasons.

Other times, these are incomplete physical projects: the half knit scarf, the room half organized, the idea half started.

Examples abound: the overfull inbox – all messages waiting to be processed, the overdue maintenance on the vehicle, the task list growing, never shrinking, or at the very least stays the same.

The issue does not sit with the concept of having work in progress.  The issue sits with the energy as it grows stagnant when the work does not progress. Stagnant energy becomes a vacuum. We end up with these pockets of energy around us, crying for our attention.

Imagine if these energy pockets were voices calling for your attention. It would be impossible to hear what was truly important and what truly needed you and your energy. Instead you may attempt to respond to them all, merely touching on all and not getting anything done until you are a huge bundle of stress and confusion.  How many energy pockets are calling for your attention right now?

As with most complex problems, the answer is simple but not easy: consistent daily action.  Consistent maintenance and attention to the cycles you open and how you close them.  Here are three ways to address your open cycles starting TODAY:

  1. See the end. If you start a project, see the completion, plan the completion. Give it a timeline and an off ramp in case you decide you don’t want to finish it.
  2. Be Nice to Yourself. Give yourself permission to not finish things you simply do not enjoy. If you start a “hobby” and then don’t like it, don’t force yourself to completion. It just gets painful, don’t do that.
  3. Use a Timer. Commit to a doable piece of time every day to complete your currently open cycles. In 20 minutes you can clean out some emails and unsubscribe from a few you don’t need. In 20 minutes you can sort out one drawer in a room. In 20 minutes you can sort the stack of “need to catch up on” magazines and recycle or donate the majority. There are a lot of things you can get done in 20 minutes.

After you sort through a few currently open cycles, note how you feel.  I promise you will feel lighter, you will want to do more. Use that energy as momentum.  Use it to move forward and close cycles you need to, allow the momentum to become rhythm as you open new cycles and see them through to completion.

What cycles are open for you right now?  Email me today or comment below on what you need to be addressing in your life!  For a private, focused discussion, head out to my website www.nolimitslife.guru to claim a confusion to clarity strategy session and you can grab your InnerGuru Guide to get started right away.

Secrets of Living the No Limits Life

The No Limits Life is all about courage.

This is for people who want courage to step out of the expected into the authentic.

The No Limits tribe is full of people who don’t want to be stressed out, working jobs they hate in relationships that stifle them. They are sick of self-help books, seminars and Social Media Therapy.  They can’t post or read one more inspirational message without gagging.

They want to thrive.

They want to feel in touch with their own guru.

But they are afraid and ready to stop being afraid.  

“What will people think? What will people say? What happens if I change? My life isn’t what I want, but what if it gets worse when I change?”  They exclaim.

“Oh, but what if it gets better!? Can I handle better? Do I deserve better?  Who am I to ask for more?” They whisper.  

Members of the No Limits tribe are their best assets and allies’ and worst enemies and obstacles.

Living the No Limits philosophy means having ideas they want to follow, but aren’t sure how. They want to have more ideas and impact the world in a positive, big way.

No Limits people don’t want to live small, they want to live big, without limits and without constriction on the good they can do. They are fierce, independent beings who have too long not allowed their true nature to shine.

No Limits people want to be the guru of their own life.  They want to create a life right now that they love and build a vision for the future that they lay bricks for every single day. Family, exploration, creativity and spirituality are key values for my tribe.

Some of them want to express their creative and spiritual gifts and talents and callings in a way that creates a purpose based profitable lifestyle for themselves. They want to move past the old idea that being a creative or a spiritual professional can’t pay the bills and create the lifestyle they want while simultaneously serving others and sharing messages in a big way.

Seekers of the No Limits life have settled for too long in the lives they have built or fallen into and are ready to make some changes that allow them to be more, do more and live more fully.  They are going to walk through things that scare them, they will stumble and fall over these things but they will get back up and keep moving.

No Limits seekers crave courage within to do what fear says is too hard. They seek to do what their programming declares impossible. They yearn for the energy of creativity and spirituality as a way of life and not just something they do.

This is about being afraid and doing it anyway.  They are ready to face the fears and heal them, to face the old programming and reprogram it. They seek personal development and growth and are open to new thoughts, patterns and perspectives.

They want to be in love with their life – every single minute of it. They are ready to take action step away from the expected and into the authentic. They are ready to learn to Guru their own life.

Is this you? If you want to guru your own life, I’d love to have you drop me an email at Jennifer@nolimitslife.guru