One Rule to Never Violate

Integrity.

Don’t violate it.  It is yours to honor and apply to your life, your conduct and your actions.

It fuels your energy, your actions and your interactions with others.

So tonight when I got an email from a fellow business owner, I realized why I had been experiencing an inner cringe all day.

I pride myself on just being up front.  Being direct has always felt more comfortable to me than not.  It hasn’t always been the easier path, but it has been the truer path.  It has felt more authentic to me.

In my blog yesterday, I called out a couple of coffee shops I frequent and contrasted my experience with them.  I don’t deny the experiences, they happen.

But, I violated my own sense of integrity in the process.  And rightly so, one of the coffee shop owners called me on it.  And I am glad!

I am glad to receive the opportunity to be better, to look at myself with an honest eye and say “you screwed up, now you get to grow from it and fix it.”

My better, normal self would have contacted him and described the routine issues I was seeing and experiencing and let him deal with them as he saw fit – so why didn’t I?

In all honesty, it was because I was feeling petty and crabby.  And I wrote that portion of my blog in a bit of a snit.

I share this because I think we all do it.  I think we all have had those moments when we lash out at others, or gripe about situations.  In those moments we aren’t looking for resolution or healing, we are looking for reaction or to share the negative emotion we are holding on to.  It can manifest in lots of ways: we criticize, gossip, second guess, judge and or just get a little nasty about something.

We act without integrity. It makes us do that inner cringe thing when we think of it and we don’t like it. It doesn’t mean we lack integrity as a person, but if we are ruthless in our analysis, we can all find those moments where we were not our best.

In his book The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz says to Be Impeccable with your word.  Say only what you truly mean and be honest and true to your truth.  When we allow ourselves to react instead of responding to situations, we are not necessarily impeccable with our word, we are not acting in integrity.

I agreed to a meeting with the coffee house owner, gladly.  And I will apologize in person for my indiscretion because that is the path of integrity.  I won’t settle for less from myself and will always clean up what I can when I am not all in the right.

In my 13 principles of The Art of Living Dangerously, Principle 6 is to know your story.  It means to know and become intimate with where your reactions come from, to know who you are, where you come from and how it has shaped you.

As I reflect on this situation, I am forced to look at where my “snit”came from and why I let it out the way I did.

In-authenticity is a hot button for me and when I perceive others to be doing something because it looks good rather than it actually being good, it irritates me.  I have been a hard worker my entire life and believe that if you are going to do something, do it right – fully commit and be the best you can possibly be at whatever it is. I also know not everyone does this.

Growing up I encountered situations where others didn’t do that and it hurt my life, it hurt my existence in ways that created scars that I have had to confront in my own healing processes as I acquainted myself with my story.

I don’t believe in excuses. In fact once you put the effort into knowing your story, you have fewer reasons to excuse your behavior because you have committed to understanding yourself more fully. So I do my best to remain vigilant when these buttons get pushed because the reaction usually points back to me at least two fold, if not more.

In this instance, I have no issue or reservation whatsoever in saying I was not entirely in the right.  In this instance, I can be honest and know that being more more natural direct self is the better path, as always.

I encourage you to take a look at a time in your life recently where you may have acted with less courage, honesty and authenticity than you know your true self desires.  Honor it and resolve it so that you don’t do that inner cringe thing every time you think of it!

5 things I wish I understood fully BEFORE I decided to become a Life Coach

Life Coaching is a tough business.  One that just about everyone seems to think they’d be amazing in, and maybe they are right.  A lot of people are empathic, great listeners and offer great advice.  The world needs those talents and needs them in lots of locations and with lots of groups of people.

Life coaching is a bit more than being a great listener and offering great advice  though. For example one of my favorite sounding boards isn’t a coach, he is a person of too many passions to succinctly describe (and none of them would be adequate anyway), which is why I seek his counsel often.   But I don’t think he gives me life coaching, he gives me friendship and counsel.

I don’t pay for friendship.

I do pay for accountability, objectivity and to learn new tools and techniques to optimize my life.

When a client signs up for coaching with me, that is what I want to give them – I want them to find that so that they can have healthy friendships where they can receive friendship and counsel and offer it in return and whatever else they want in life.

As I hit my three year anniversary as a coach I find my business in a tougher place than it has ever been.  It is the hill that won’t seem to stop going up.  But I am determined to see its peak and am not going anywhere.  Why would I?  I feel like I just figured out why I am coaching and what I am here to coach people on!

The Art of Living Dangerously as the core of my work emerged a couple of months ago and I feel like I found my message.  It took three years, but I am so glad it is here.  The Art of Living Dangerously is about creating the life you feel meant to live. It is not about following a step by step method or program, it is about getting some guidance and intense one on one work to allow you to create your path one step at a time.  I have some information on the (un)program here if you are interested.

There are 5 things I have learned as a coach over the last three years that would have been amazing to fully understand starting out – I knew them, but understanding them has been a journey.  If you are feeling the call to coach, here are a few things to think about:

  1. There is zero stability (at certain points).

As a coach, your paycheck is entirely dependent on someone else being willing to part with their money for optimization of themselves.  And women, who make up my primary niche, can be terrible at investing in themselves.  I partner with people who know there is more to life than routine and retirement and want to give more in life through creation of a lifestyle that feels on purpose and prosperous.

There is a need for consistent recruitment, consistent attention, tracking, and vigilance about building a pipeline of potential clients if you want to reach that point of stability.

Too often the perception that it is simple – hang a sign and people will flock.  That would be nice, but you have to create the stability through your own actions and continued actions focusing on delivering your core message and service to your clients and potential clients.

  1. Not every client will do the work.

Often, those who could benefit most from coaching have over committed themselves to the point that coaching feels counterproductive to them instead of the enable it can be if they allow it a) in their life and b) let it work.

They may make the monetary investment, but they will not truly invest in the spiritual, emotional and physical work necessary to invest in the shifts and growth to get them to where they want to be.  They keep seeing the what, but refuse to see the how.

Some of these people can come around in time, I was one of these kinds of clients.  I worked with my coach for almost 3 y ears before real change occurred externally.  Internally, I was sometimes conscious of the change, sometimes not but there it was happening.

Intuition is huge here – learning to trust whether the client will ever listen or is too deeply rooted in their beliefs to want to change.  The client has to want it as least close to as much as you want it for them. You can’t take it personal when they don’t want it as much as you do for them.

  1. Sales and Marketing is a HUGE part of this career.

You can dislike sales and marketing, but you still have to do it. The ‘aha’ I had around this was when I realized when I really believed in what I was offering to clients as a transformative experience,  it felt good to offer to someone I knew I could truly partner with to create the change they want in their life.

If you authentically 100% believe in what you are offering, it isn’t sales, it is service.  If you offer it to people only when you know they can benefit, it isn’t sales, it is service.

  1. You have to talk to people.

As a business owner you have to reach out to talk to people, you cannot just wait for them to find you.  For many, many reasons people will not reach out: sometimes they don’t know they need to, sometimes they are simply afraid to. One on one or live interaction is imperative to doing this work, not just hiding behind a computer updating social media hoping that someone will find you.  They will find you that way, but not as greatly as if you get out and see them.

  1. Focus on the Service, not the Money.

Money pays the bills, we can’t ignore it.  But when you offer a service that is valuable and focus on delivering that service – people will want to pay for it.

There is a coffee house in my neighborhood that is an exact example of what not to do.  I don’t want to give them my money because every single time I go in there, it takes way too long to have my order taken – I will often stand at the counter for a minute or longer as 3 or 4 employees walk right by chatting with each other about one thing or another and not even acknowledging that they have a customer.  Then it is always as if it is there first day there as they scramble to find a coffee cup or pastry container or whatever I ordered, and these are counter people who have been there a while.  I go there only when I am severely caffeine deprived and the alternative is closed because I don’t like to give them my money.  I usually leave irritated at best and angry more often than not.

On the other hand, across the street, there is another coffee place that I adore – amazing service, great product, good interaction and I enjoy giving them my money.

I’d always rather be place 2 than place 1 in my business.  I want people to feel as though they are cared for, they get what they ordered and they are happy to pay for it.  I do what I can to focus on the service.

Hindsight is a tricky thing. 

I did  all I could to prepare myself for this business.  I took a certification course, I worked with a coach, I took classes, I used mentors, I did all I could to keep arming myself.

But being able to step back and look at what I wish I had fully grasped when I started, these are the fundamentals I am not sure I could have known fully without the experience of doing or not doing them and seeing the results then correcting or adjusting where needed.

The key I have found is continued focus on self-awareness, growth and expansion.   This is where The Art of Living Dangerously (un)Program serves aspiring coaches and people who seek to create a life they feel meant to live.  It is to create that environment, lifestyle and energy of self-awareness, growth and expansion that is uniquely suited to you and your business aspirations.

If you have inclinations toward a coaching or healing career, the Art of Living Dangerously is a great place to explore this path and lay down the framework for your exact right business and lifestyle.  Learn more here and claim a free 30 minute strategy session to discuss your options.

If you are already a coach or healer – what do you wish you had known when you started out that you have learned along the way?  I have shared my personal learning – what is yours?

Jennifer Murphy lives dangerously as an artist, life coach and writer.  Learn more about her and how individual or (un)program coaching can help you create your path at www.nolimitslife.guru

5 Ways my Mom made me the Mom I am Today (and why that’s a good thing)

The lovefest for moms that shows up for moms each Mother’s Day others day is a wondrous thing.  Among the “my mom is the best” and “I wouldn’t be the person I am without her” messages there is there a certain authenticity missing?  Yes, we have this day to take a special time out to honor our mothers and that is appreciated.  But is the vapid public “you are the best mom” enough? What if you took a moment to think it over and truly share with your mom the impact she has had?

This inspiration comes on the heels of a gift from my son on this mother’s day.  He created a book in his second grade class where he answered prompts about what he loves about me as his mom.  I was inspired by his insightfulness.  One of my favorites was where he shared that if he could buy me anything, he would buy me a workshop.  He knows my penchant to create and he sees the monthly struggle to maintain my studio, he wants one I don’t have to worry about. That’s paying attention.

For a moment I wondered where he got this thoughtfulness, then I realized, it is from me. This is the kind of attention I pay to people, and he is learning it. So where did I learn it?

I learned from my mom.

This inspired me to think of the other things I learned from her and I came up with 5 big ones.

  1. Work hard.

My mom was my first boss in the professional environment.  She managed the grocery store I started out as a trash hauler and stocker with in our small town.  I wasn’t cut any slack for being the manager’s kid, in fact, I think she expected more.  My mom worked hard and simply expected me, and everyone else to pull their weight. I learned my first lessons on work ethic from my mom.

  1. There is no wrong spiritual perspective.

I grew up in a very spiritually open environment.  My parents allowed me to attend any church I wanted to as I grew up. As I attended vacation bible schools with friends I was exposed to lots of different opinions. In my home we discussed these experiences and spoke more in the metaphysical realm with crystals and rocks, guides and a more direct route to the universal creation spirit.  My mom taught me that God is everywhere, not somewhere.

  1. There are idiots among us.

It may sound harsh, but it is true.  I learned that it was okay to not like everyone.  I learned that not everyone makes good choices in their life and that I don’t have to tolerate those who don’t in my life. There are idiots out there doing dumb stuff, I don’t have to be one of them; watching others be ridiculous is lesson enough.  She taught me to be smarter than may be asked for in any situation, rise above it and be the person I can be and find my own way.

  1. Your kids come first, and it’s okay to resent that once in a while.

We didn’t have a lot growing up.  We just didn’t.  My dad was a construction worker in a small town with weather that could sometimes wreak havoc on a work schedule.  When mom worked, it was often for lower paying jobs that asked for a lot from her.  With three of us wanting food, clothes and activities both my parents did go without.  At the time I didn’t get it.  I didn’t get what they gave up to keep ballet shoes on my feet, cheer bloomers on my butt, skate boards and soccer cleats on my brothers and more.  I do remember times of my mother despairing about not being able to do or have something she wanted.  And that was okay.  It was okay to be honest about that.  Because even though she didn’t always like it, she put us first and she didn’t lie to herself about not always liking it.

  1. Be who you are.

My mom has always just been who she is.  In the face of push back from her family, societal expectations, even her own self judgement, she always comes back to being who she is.  This hasn’t always been a happy road for her.  But she is.  She knows at the end of every day that she is just who she is and she can feel good about that.

Each of these things that are true about my mom are things I have carried as lessons for me.  I have adapted and learned and these things have shaped me in the mom and person I am today.  Being a mom isn’t like the movies or the magazines or the ideas we have about being a mom.  It certainly isn’t like the picturesque portrayal of motherhood we want to show on social media at times.  Being a real mom is about being real, the good and the bad and my mom has shown me what a real mom is and does.

So because I am crappy at actually saying these things to her, I am writing them and hoping they will inspire you to share your truth with your mom in whatever way feels best for you. Write your mom a letter, a message, an email or give her a call or visit.  The cool thing about most moms, is no matter what  you do, she’ll love you for it as much as she always has.

Jennifer Murphy lives in passionate pursuit of the Art of Living Dangerously through her work as life coach, artist, writer and single mother.  Learn more at http://www.nolimitslife.guru

Learning Opportunities: Online and Local

Updated as of 28 April 2016

Learning is something we cannot escape.  We learn things every single day, accumulating information, experience, and new ways of doing things.  We grow as we accumulate this new stuff in our lives and it expands our consciousness and our connection to the world around us.

Below you will find a list of online and local learning opportunities with links to register. These are facilitated by myself and members of the No Limits Team.  Feel free to explore and then email any questions to jennifer@nolimitslife.guru

1. Join Us Online!

(explore all courses)

April 27 – Everyday Spirituality Tool Kit – FREE

In this 90 minute session you will receive 5 easy to implement, but powerful tools for everyday spirituality.
Think of them as additions to your spiritual tool kit or ways to shine the tools you have in your kit! Register here

Monthly Virtual Series The Art of Living Dangerously – Free

Get access to tools, insights and experiences about embracing and living your purposeful path, following your calling and embracing the courage to be and live as you dream!       Sign Up

Courage, Risk and Rewards short course  – $75

In this coaching program, you will explore 5 key areas that will help you find the courage to take new risks and reap great rewards. You will examine the concept of risk and break it down into specific, manageable steps. And you will look at risk from different perspectives and explore how the rewards for taking chances far outweigh the costs.  This training will open new doors to exciting opportunities! learn more

Calculate Your Future: Unmask the Power of Numbers for Your Life with Don Marlette – $75

This unique and comprehensive course will help you:

  • Quickly and easily understand the concepts and uses of Numerology
  • Grow in self-confidence and self-awareness
  • Improve your ability to connect with and understand people effectively
  • Improve your intuitive abilities with a solid and ancient system
  • Greatly improve your experience of life with Numerology’s insights and wisdom

These are the same tools Don uses to gain information about people and situations quickly, easily and naturally, to help others make confident and clear decisions in their lives.
This is WAY beyond any book or website on Numerology, as it contains NEW information that has been largely unknown.  Register Here

Align Your Life Boot Camp  – $75

The Align Your Life Boot Camp is about aligning your resources of time, money and energy to the things that feed your soul and allow you to create the life you want and deserve and stop settling for “good enough”.  Through this experience you will gain tools for living that you will learn to implement, receive support with and then have access to a FULL YEAR of monthly support prompts! Register Here

An Art of Living Dangerously Membership gets you access to 5 online courses (some online courses are exclusive member access) and more for the price of one online course with No Limits Life.   Learn more here.

2. Local Opportunities

May 23 – Align Your Life Intensive – $47

This 2 hour live event will focus on clearing chaos, obtaining order and conquering external annoyances in your life.
Understand what is most important to you and how to create your lifestyle around those things: releasing what doesn’t serve you and your vision and embracing what does.
We can allow align our internal and external feelings of success – join us to learn how.

June 4 – Who Am I? A 2 hour live workshop – $29 early bird thru 6 May then $47

You wear many hats, not all of them bad.  But there is a core YOU that can get a little lost with all the hats being pulled on and off.  In this 2 hour workshop we will allow you to develop a deeper sense of who you really are enabling you to make even more powerful decisions in alignment with your life’s purpose. register here

Glass Bead Lesson – $65, plus material fee

As part of my work as a glass artist, I teach glass bead lessons through Gathering Elements – I’d love to have you join me for a 3 hour class where we will learn how to make beads – a creative and meditative process. Follow this link to learn more and register

NO LIMITS LIFE INTENSIVE – SEPT 9-10

An evening following by a full day event focused on optimizing the life you have to become the life you want.  we will focus on:
– work life integration
– sustainable lifestyle
– developing your manifesto
– aligning your energy to your dreams

Culminating in a complete “how to” make it happen for you.

REGISTER HERE


Save this link for future reference to stay up to date with our online and resident events.  Or sign up to receive No Limits Weekly, a tool for living full of inspiration, tools and tips for living your best you.

Learn more about the No Limits Life Philosophy and team at http://www.nolimitslife.guru

 

Want to Geek Out? Go Ahead.

There are pieces of me that true embrace the “geek” culture.  I despise that label though because I think you really ought to just embrace what you like and forget about all the labeling, the need to identify and the bull around identifying as a “hipster geek” or whatever label you choose.

If you want to watch Doctor Who, Red Dwarf or Star Wars come on over to my apartment anytime. And I don’t care if you can recite dialogue, wear your best scarf or have a Luke tattoo, or not.  Just come an enjoy it because you do.

I wonder at the insanity of being “a fan” and am fascinated by how that has exploded in this day and age of being able to see and share everything.

And we do see and share everything don’t we?  I know more about the story lines of shows that I have never watched than I care to: It would appear something startling happened on Grey’s Anatomy relatively recently?

Without waxing poetic for pages and paragraphs, my message here is simple, enjoy what you enjoy and don’t worry about whether it is cool or not.

And if you don’t publicly follow any geek culture, sport or sports team, political sphere culture or anything else and just care to observe and investigate on the down low, go for it.

Maybe that means you want to deck yourself out in all kinds of in your fave memorabilia, maybe you don’t.  Maybe it means you just like it and enjoy the entertainment.

Anyway, for those that like to collect publicly or privately, today is Star Wars day on Amazon.  In honor of the movie still a ways off in the release, we get to promote the heck out of merchandise now.  Do any of you remember the days of the merchandise coming out after the movie?  Or at least in parallel?

With a shake of my head and a nod to my frugal nature, I want to tell you to check out the savings on some fun stuff. If you need gear, check it out.  If you want gear check it out.

If you want to comment on the irony of my promoting buying stuff on the same sentence as the word frugal, go ahead. But in any case, be you and own being you – publicly, privately, anyway you want.