What is so damn important about an orange table?
My table is bright, gorgeous, outrageous orange…as of last weekend. I have no idea what color this table was when it was born, but it was a poo brown when I bought it at goodwill for five bucks to serve as a holder for my son’s new gold fish murder scene, I mean tank (No need to go into that debacle here).
Recently I realized keeping that table poo brown was a symbol of continued connection to my old, boring, expected life – the one I did all I could to disembowel back in 2012. I despised seeing that connection in some ways: I was still toeing the “what will other people think” belief system and I truly wanted to gouge that part of me out immediately, never to see it again. But in my moment of sickness and disgust, I had to wonder if maybe some of you freedom seekers are also still toeing that same line in undiscovered ways like me. Maybe you have a “poo brown table” in your life you need to colorize to reveal the real you.
At this point we can safely divide into a few mindsets with respect to this idea:
1. Those of you that are done with this idea as of right now: grasping exactly what I mean because of where you are in your own evolution and you have “evolved enough” to “go it alone” (snicker). You need not one more drop of my nonsense and know it.
2. Others of you are just so over the self-help bullshit that you are sick of finding symbolism in everything and seeing it as a metaphor for the shit you need to shift, change, give up or heal. You are ready to gag on your own consumption of crap that isn’t actually getting to the core of the “more” you are seeking and are looking for something truly different.
3. And some of you want to identify, know you are not alone and discover another layer of your own growth and experience as a human right now. You suspect that perhaps this information will bring about our collective vibrational raising. So you, the truly curious freedom seeker are leaning in with a conspiratorial “tell us more”. And chances are – you know exactly what your personal poo brown table is right this moment.
I am talking to all of you – all you reflections of me, of each other and our varying attitudes based on everything we are. I think if you are REALLY wanting to forge your path, discover what is holding you back and kick the shit out of it, allowing yourself to move into that energy that is truly yours to keep growing in…well, we are one. So let’s keep going and see if we can find our connection in the rest of this story:
For this table, my son is my muse. As he chose colors for his bedroom at his dad’s newly constructed house, he picked some super bright amazingly gorgeous colors: Obstinate Orange, Blue Sky and Sassy Green. With these we created a couple of bold murals in his room to reflect his passion and joy for life.
Mo and Squeak Create Color
Since then, the leftover orange called my name. My most recent move had me craving color in my home – real, bold color for the first time since I left the beige drenched world of the suburbs. A bright green couch had answered the call, a peacock patterned love seat had flown in, my blue console requested a move home from its studio tour, and my bright orange elephant statue was honoring its place as the original color splash in my home.
The poo brown table begged to shine. As I looked at it in the blooming surroundings, I realized the basic browns that had defined my home for so long were being replaced. I was taken back to a shopping trip from times past where I waved my then husband over to look at something and before he even got to see it he said “lemme guess, it’s brown.” At the time, I staunchly defended my safety net of blending and conforming. But now, I am in a time and place where brown no longer feels safe.
4 coats later, that poo brown was gone. In its place stood a bright shining orange table accenting my peacock couch, and I felt like me was reflected in my home. Every time I walk into that new apartment home of mine, I see all the colors I love so much and I am at home: spiritually, physically and emotionally, for the first time in perhaps years. It is my energy and my home.
I had to release my attachment to that old brown table which was that part of me that still believed there was some safety in normal. In layering those coats of paint I was confronted by a few other formerly “safe” attachments I didn’t realize were still there such as:
1. The corporate path is THE path to financial security.
2. Your home should reflect what others think of you before what you truly want for yourself.
3. Relentlessly meet expectations – regardless of how they manifest: be the “spiritual” person, coach the way everyone else does, follow formulas of the “uber successful”, continue to rely on the past as guidance and boundaries
4. Same is safe. Change is not safe.
5. There is a mythical someone external to my truth watching my every move and judging me to be authentic or inauthentic. And somehow this matters.
Yeah, I totally get how ridiculous all of this seems, but as I layered those coats of orange an equal measure of stripping away was taking place in my awareness. I became aware that I was in violation of my own belief system – still. I still have growth to achieve in this forging my own path way of life I have begun and the next step to take was releasing those horrid ideas that still had a tether to my being. Buh-bye.
So my orange table is, for now, a symbol of commitment to my warrior’s path of fighting for me and my own beliefs and discovering what is real for me and what isn’t. My path isn’t yours, but my passion is centered on supporting you seekers as you create yours, so here are some questions to consider:
What is your poo brown to orange table? What is the symbol in your life of a belief that needs to be examined, overhauled and adjusted to a new truth, a new normal, a new safe or a new way of life for you? I’d love to hear about it. Email me at Jennifer@nolimitslife.guru to share and maybe I’ll feature your story in an upcoming post!
Jennifer Murphy is a coach, teacher, mentor and leader at No Limits Life where she partners with the closet creatives, aspiring adventurers, and repressed rebels to move beyond expected success to create the kind of fulfilling life they crave. To learn more about Jennifer and her team visit http://www.nolimitslife.guru