Monday vs. The Livable Life

A woman threw herself in front of my car a few weeks ago, on a Monday.  She was clearly having a worse day than most.  So before you complain about another Monday, another terrible Monday, consider for a moment others actually truly struggle with the concept of life itself. 

Yep, you may not like your job.  Your spouse or partner may be annoying you.  Maybe your kids even grumped at you this morning.  But the concept of life being unlivable isn’t your jam; right? 

Not wanting to live is a different kind of dread.  I felt it about 13 years ago.  It was a Friday night and I was with a group of people with a shared interest in being better humans.  As I surveyed the room, I was screaming inside for help and unable to voice it.  I can’t recall ever feeling more alone in a crowded room.

I left and didn’t know where to go or what to do.  I was new in town, had no actual friends and few acquaintances.  I had quit drinking about a little more than a year prior and was wondering if it was worth it.  Why not drown my loneliness and despair in a moderately priced case of wine?  As I searched for a bar/liquor store/anywhere selling intoxicating beverages, I couldn’t find one – odd right?  I debated steering my truck into a telephone pole, but wasn’t confident the Silverado would sustain enough damage to end it all.  I kept driving.  Not knowing how, I found myself steering into another sanctuary where 3 people spent the next 2 hours listening to me cry, to my sorrow and self pity and they gave me not just a shoulder to cry on, but hope that I could engage in life.  I didn’t have to give up on it.  Up until I connected with them, I was in the energy of an unlivable life.  I had been working my ass off to be a better me and was more miserable than ever.  Leaving there, I was ready to keep going.

I went home to my 4 bedroom house – empty except my 2 dogs.  I crashed onto my bed fully clothed and my labs snuggled on either side of me.  Hours later I woke with the lights still blazing, the dogs watching me and a feeling of relief.  I had chosen life.

I have tough days.  I have days I wonder what on earth I am doing, why I should keep following this path and doubt spirit’s plan for me.  But I have never since wondered if life was livable.  I have never since felt the need to end it all.

Watching a young woman throw herself in front of my car reminded me of what felt like another person’s pain; as if from another life time.  She had half a dozen people around her corralling her back into where she needed to be, talking to her.  One grabbed her arm as she threw herself forward toward my car and pulled her back.  She had support – she simply needed to place herself in their care.

Sometimes we feel alone; we aren’t.  I am about to meet with my new coach for the first time.  A long time colleague, it is not a strangers meeting.  But it is a turning point for me.  I am not one to ask for help easily.  It takes a special effort to acknowledge the voice within demanding it.  But I have learned life is more than livable, it is limitless and to move to the next level, I need all the support I can find.

There are two morals to this story:

  1. Life is livable – your choice. 
  2. You are only as alone as you want to be.

Consider this the next time you find yourself complaining about a Monday or some other part of life that is livable if you adjust your attitude, choose a new energy and invite the right energies in to your life to play.

Jennifer Murphy is a coach, teacher, mentor and leader at No Limits Life where she partners with the closet creatives, aspiring adventurers, and repressed rebels to move beyond expected success to create the kind of fulfilling life they crave.  To learn more about Jennifer and her team visit www.nolimitslife.guru

That Funny Feeling of Change…Again

Bubbling under the surface is this nervous tension colliding with the sense of all is right with the world.  How can they both possibly be right?

I wonder this as I observe change happening for me, and for the first time in my life not being clear on what it is.

When I got sober back in 2003, I knew huge change was coming for me.  I was engaged, deployed to the Middle East with the US Army and convinced I’d never have any fun ever again if I didn’t drink.  I made a huge list of all the things I’d never be able to do again without alcohol as my companion.

I have done all of those things, left that engagement, survived emotionally and physically that deployment and though it all, I was aware of the shifts happening.

In 2010 I made my first connection with a life coach – my first official coach. I did it not only aware that change was happening, but very clear once more on the type of change I wanted: a different career.  What I got was a completely different life that I fall in love with all over again every single day.

In 2012-2013  I left my corporate job, opened my third business, started my only child in kindergarten, divorced from my husband, saw my brothers safe return to his wife and daughter from deployment to Iraq, sold multiple properties and completely changed my lifestyle.  I went from making 6 figures to 3 and felt wealthier than ever.

Since then small changes have occurred: I discovered a passion for glass art and began creating, I started teaching in a college certificate course and realized how much I love teaching, I assumed financial responsibility for my grandmother’s  affairs, rolled with business and personal financial ups and downs, sold a business, started another business, found a personal relationship that I value more than I ever thought possible and have a shared vision for the future that is so amazing I am stunned when daily action draws us closer to it.

So now, I stand on the unsteady grounds of change and have no idea what they are made of. After such clarity of direction in prior change phases I am wondering at the universe’s motives in keeping me in the dark.  What is lurking in those shadows as I walk forward?  It feels right, but with every step I wonder if the squishy floor will collapse and leave me floundering in chocolate pudding or horse shit.

Dealing with the uncertainty of this change requires faith.  “How do you get faith? How do you trust?” I have been asked over and over again.  Well, I am not sure how it will work for you, but this is what I have done:

Trust the ever loving shit out of an energy way fucking bigger than I am and way fucking bigger than I can conceive of.  It’s the shit, it is the grand master daddy mama of allllll things we are here to do and who am I to second guess it?

Let me elaborate on that a bit for those that need a more constructed process, here is what I have come to understand for me:

  1. I am a spiritual entity in physical creation – I believe that. I believe that I am connected to the spirit of the universe.
  2. The spirit of the universe is infinite, I am finite in physical form, the spirit of the universe has no physical form except me (and yes, you too!), and therefore I am connected to the infinite.
  3. I watch for the connections between my actions, my thoughts, my beliefs and the impacts on those around me. I see.
  4. I trust that infinite energy to be a lot smarter than me.
  5. I ask for the right thought or action and I take it when it arrives.

A little example:  When I was leaving the military, I didn’t have a special connection to anywhere at the time.  I was single, two dogs and needed a place to connect.  I had interviews lined up in 4 different states.

On my first interview for my last location choice, I got so sick I couldn’t continue on with my interviews in the next 3 states.  I had opened up my energies and said “Okay universe, where do you want to send me? I’ll go where you need me.”  And it answered “Iowa”.  Trust me, I had doubts, a strong desire to fight the direction and find another way.  But I decided to have faith and go for it.

That was 13 years ago.

So here was are again, “ok universe, where do you want me to go?  What do you want me to do?”  I’ll trust and move forward on faith.