A woman threw herself in front of my car a few weeks ago, on a Monday. She was clearly having a worse day than most. So before you complain about another Monday, another terrible Monday, consider for a moment others actually truly struggle with the concept of life itself.
Yep, you may not like your job. Your spouse or partner may be annoying you. Maybe your kids even grumped at you this morning. But the concept of life being unlivable isn’t your jam; right?
Not wanting to live is a different kind of dread. I felt it about 13 years ago. It was a Friday night and I was with a group of people with a shared interest in being better humans. As I surveyed the room, I was screaming inside for help and unable to voice it. I can’t recall ever feeling more alone in a crowded room.
I left and didn’t know where to go or what to do. I was new in town, had no actual friends and few acquaintances. I had quit drinking about a little more than a year prior and was wondering if it was worth it. Why not drown my loneliness and despair in a moderately priced case of wine? As I searched for a bar/liquor store/anywhere selling intoxicating beverages, I couldn’t find one – odd right? I debated steering my truck into a telephone pole, but wasn’t confident the Silverado would sustain enough damage to end it all. I kept driving. Not knowing how, I found myself steering into another sanctuary where 3 people spent the next 2 hours listening to me cry, to my sorrow and self pity and they gave me not just a shoulder to cry on, but hope that I could engage in life. I didn’t have to give up on it. Up until I connected with them, I was in the energy of an unlivable life. I had been working my ass off to be a better me and was more miserable than ever. Leaving there, I was ready to keep going.
I went home to my 4 bedroom house – empty except my 2 dogs. I crashed onto my bed fully clothed and my labs snuggled on either side of me. Hours later I woke with the lights still blazing, the dogs watching me and a feeling of relief. I had chosen life.
I have tough days. I have days I wonder what on earth I am doing, why I should keep following this path and doubt spirit’s plan for me. But I have never since wondered if life was livable. I have never since felt the need to end it all.
Watching a young woman throw herself in front of my car reminded me of what felt like another person’s pain; as if from another life time. She had half a dozen people around her corralling her back into where she needed to be, talking to her. One grabbed her arm as she threw herself forward toward my car and pulled her back. She had support – she simply needed to place herself in their care.
Sometimes we feel alone; we aren’t. I am about to meet with my new coach for the first time. A long time colleague, it is not a strangers meeting. But it is a turning point for me. I am not one to ask for help easily. It takes a special effort to acknowledge the voice within demanding it. But I have learned life is more than livable, it is limitless and to move to the next level, I need all the support I can find.
There are two morals to this story:
- Life is livable – your choice.
- You are only as alone as you want to be.
Consider this the next time you find yourself complaining about a Monday or some other part of life that is livable if you adjust your attitude, choose a new energy and invite the right energies in to your life to play.
Jennifer Murphy is a coach, teacher, mentor and leader at No Limits Life where she partners with the closet creatives, aspiring adventurers, and repressed rebels to move beyond expected success to create the kind of fulfilling life they crave. To learn more about Jennifer and her team visit www.nolimitslife.guru