I should, I should, I should!

I should I should I should

If you had to count, how many times a day do you think you burden yourself with this phrase?

I should can carry some heavy consequences with its energy when you misuse it.  When you use it as reason to do something even when you don’t want to, don’t need to and it doesn’t fulfill you or those you care about in any way. But people expect it, so you do it. Because you should.

The ruler of should metaphor applies here: the ruler you carry around, never measuring up to, of all the things you should be doing, thinking, or feeling.

And every time you look at the ruler to see how you are measuring up – the ruler gets a little taller, or you get a little smaller and you never quite make it to the mark that others have drawn for you.

There is always a more out there.  Though, intuitively you know that more isn’t anywhere on that ruler…you keep looking.

And you feel like you never measure up.

What if you were free of the ruler and free to focus on all the fucks you WANT to be giving about the things you want, need and which provide a sense of fulfillment?

Should (used in the way of measuring) dictates to you.  When you are free to focus, you GAF where you want to GAF – no longer subjugated to anyone else’s should.

THIS IS WHY I DEVELOPED MY 5 DAY CHALLENGE KICKING OFF 23 OCTOBER: FREE TO FOCUS (ON THE F#$KS YOU WANT TO GIVE)

  • To free you from should
  • To release you from the doing, thinking and feeling you should be doing to the doing, thinking and feeling you ne dot be doing to create an awesome life
  • To indulge that craving for more you feel but haven’t been able to answer because you are so distracted by should

BE FREE, FREE TO FOCUS, ON THE THINGS YOU TRULY CARE ABOUT.

Sign up here to receive 5 days worth of emails and videos, get your invite to join the Facebook group to become eligible for challenge prizes and shift your focus into a more authentic you.

Join the FREE TO FOCUS 5 DAY CHALLENGE HERE

BEGIN FOCUSING ON WHAT YOU WANT TO GAF ABOUT

 

WHAT DO YOU GAF ABOUT?

WARNING: I am going to say the F word in this email.  If this offends you, please stop reading.  We are probably not compatible at this point. I appreciate you, who are you are and your boundaries – stay strong with them.  Me, I say the F word and I am cool with it.

WHAT DO YOU GAF ABOUT?

Super popular term these days right?  What do you give a f#$k about?

My partner has a t-shirt from our local co-op that says Local AF set against a picture of the state we live in.  Not our home state, but the state we live in.  It symbolizes where we get our food from.  Because, we GAF about our food.

We toss this phrase around a lot lately…and like so many, it has become diluted.  Because to truly GAF about something is significant.

I mean we only have space for so many fucks to be given in our world before the fucks we give become too many.

HOW MANY THINGS IN YOUR WORLD ARE YOU GIVING A FUCK ABOUT THAT YOU NEED TO STOP GIVING A FUCK ABOUT?

Where do you really need to and want to invest your fucks?

I recently read “The life changing magic of not giving a f*ck” by Sarah Knight and loved every word. Totally recommend you read it.  Her approach is similar to what I developed in aligning priorities – the tool I crated to help people focus on what matters most to them in creating life they love.

It is similar in that the focus is on doing what you want to do, not what you think you should do.  There is a HUGE difference in doing what you want to do over what you think you should do when it comes to energy investment aka fuck investment.

I particularly love the idea of a fuck budget:  setting up a number you have to give and when they are all gone…sorry fellas, no fucks here.

Love that.

I sped through the book, eating up the words and concepts and it felt instantly at home in my psyche.  In part because I already philosophically aligned 100% and in part because I needed to read it in that way to go even deeper with the energy.  Maybe you do too: get your copy here from amazon, or check your local library.

MORE SIGNIFICANTLY, IT INSPIRED THE UPCOMING FREE CHALLENGE I AM OFFERING IN MY ART OF LIVING DANGEROUSLY FACEBOOK COMMUNITY: 

Free to Focus (on the f#$ you WANT to give). It kicks off 23 October and is 5 days of sorting through your fucks and where you want to allocate and invest in them, thereby bringing your focus to the stuff you truly care about!

Each day will have a theme and those that post daily will be entered to win fabulous prizes!

Signing on via the link below will provide you exclusive access to the video and email series that goes even deeper in to each of the topics for the challenge (and it serves as week 1 of the Motivated for More 13-week EOY/BOY program that helps to finish on top and start even higher as we transition years)

READY TO JOIN? CLICK HERE TO GO ALL IN  ON THE CHALLENGE!

 

photo jun 20, 8 27 31 am

Jennifer Murphy

I am a certified personal and executive coach ruthlessly focused on helping people live awesome lives.  I spent a large chunk of my life pursuing other people’s ideas of success and while those experiences were sublime in some cases, they weren’t the “more” I was seeking and I just never felt full. In 2011, I made the commitment to live life on my terms and everything changed. The life I love today was created and I am here to share and teach you exactly how to do the same for yourself.

I am founder of No Limits Life Empowerment Institute as well as a working glass artist, Reiki Master, Partner in Shaman Grocer in Iowa City, and Co-founder of the Midwest Reiki Festival.    My favorite time is spent doing anything soccer related with my aspiring world cup soccer player, 10-year-old Alexander.  I am also a pretty big fan of gaming (PS4) with my partner Craig while solving the world’s social problems. Learn more at www.nolimitslife.guru

 

FALL INTO SOMETHING GOOD

Does your career leave you feeling like you fell into a vat of poo?

Is every day like swimming with concrete floaties?

Do you dread the day to tasks of being where you are?

You are not alone.

I was you once upon a time.

I blamed the dissatisfaction I felt in so many areas on the dissatisfaction I felt at work. I knew if I could find happiness at work, I’d be happier overall.

Research proves this: when you have a higher sense of career well being you feel a higher overall sense of well being.

Cool. How do you get it?

1. You fall into something good.

Instead of constantly bitching about how shitty your circumstance is, find the good. There is some small sense of goodness there. Maybe it is simply that the paycheck meets yours needs. That is good. Find the good to fall into every day and you will attract more good.

2. You act with good intention

You take action that are good for you. You eat right, you declutter, you drink water, you surround yourself with good high vibe people. You take action that you know is positive energy for you.

3. You get creative.

You look for the things you can shape to your style and you do it. The activities, events and processes that are tailorable, you tailor in such a way that you can find positive energy in them. This might mean a mindset shift, or a physical overhaul – or anywhere in between.

These three things have infinite numbers of outcomes ranging from finding a higher degree of satisfaction where you are or striking the entrepreneurial path. Wherever your energy takes you, falling in love with your career and satisfying that sense of “more” you have been craving is important for your overall well-being.

What are you going to fall into?

 

photo jun 20, 8 27 31 amI am a certified personal and executive coach ruthlessly focused on helping people live awesome lives.  I spent a large chunk of my life pursuing other people’s ideas of success and while those experiences were sublime in some cases, they weren’t the “more” I was seeking and I just never felt full. In 2011, I made the commitment to live life on my terms and everything changed. The life I love today was created and I am here to share and teach you exactly how to do the same for yourself.

I am founder of No Limits Life Empowerment Institute as well as a working glass artist, Reiki Master, Partner in Shaman Grocer in Iowa City, and Co-founder of the Midwest Reiki Festival.    My favorite time is spent doing anything soccer related with my aspiring world cup soccer player, 10-year-old Alexander.  I am also a pretty big fan of gaming (PS4) with my partner Craig while solving the world’s social problems. Learn more at http://www.nolimitslife.guru

I’M SO OVER…EVERYONE…

My inner bitch goes on a rampage sometimes, and it’s kinda fun. Seriously, if you could hear my inner dialogue at times, you would seriously wonder if I even like people.

 

The answer is sometimes.

 

But sometimes, I am so over everyone…I just can’t.

 

I can’t listen to one more story of learned helplessness.

 

I can’t deal with one more poor me my Mercedes is dirty rant.

 

I can’t watch one more beneficiary of privilege bemoaning the state of the world while sipping a double non-fat, no whip pumpkin spice whatever. (And I don’t even get the whole pumpkin spice fascination, I mean I love pumpkin but for reals with the obsession??)

 

And I can’t deal with fall lovers and pumpkins on front porches in mid-September (dude, it’s 95 degrees, that shit is going to rot!).

 

Yes, this all goes through my head.

 

We all have these moments, or days, or even weeks.  And I think it’s okay.  It’s okay to be cynical and snarky and indulge your inner bitch (even if you are a dude) from time to time.

 

You are human, it’s okay.  You aren’t any less spiritual than anyone else.  You aren’t an uncaring person and you don’t have to beat yourself up for years and days and go see a spiritual guru to heal you.  You need to admit you are human.

 

Now, if this way of thinking begins to dominate you, begins to be your decision maker and makes you intolerant of people, situations and ideas around you on a large scale you might need to seek help.  You might need to get some perspective from a healer, coach or a therapist.  Sometimes, we just get some wires crossed in our lives and need a little help uncrossing them.

 

I am a healer and a coach.  I work with people sometimes who have created this trap for themselves – the I am so over everyone mindset that has taken root. I usually use a combination of healing and coaching to unburden the mind, body and soul from whatever has taken root there and let the person see with fresh eyes and enable the resilience within them to make the shift into the optimal life they are capable of living. In many cases, this is the first step in coaching with someone – to free them from their own cage.

 

Which are you?  In a moment of snark and indulging your inner bitch, or in need of fresh perspective and ways to break free of the cage you constructed around yourself?

 

Apply for a Lackluster to Limitless Session with me if you find yourself in the cage – I can help you jailbreak!

 

photo jun 20, 8 27 31 am

Jennifer Murphy

I am a certified personal and executive coach ruthlessly focused on helping people live awesome lives.  I spent a large chunk of my life pursuing other people’s ideas of success and while those experiences were sublime in some cases, they weren’t the “more” I was seeking and I just never felt full. In 2011, I made the commitment to live life on my terms and everything changed. The life I love today was created and I am here to share and teach you exactly how to do the same for yourself.

I am founder of No Limits Life Empowerment Institute as well as a working glass artist, Reiki Master, Partner in Shaman Grocer in Iowa City, and Co-founder of the Midwest Reiki Festival.    My favorite time is spent doing anything soccer related with my aspiring world cup soccer player, 10-year-old Alexander.  I am also a pretty big fan of gaming (PS4) with my partner Craig while solving the world’s social problems. Learn more at http://www.nolimitslife.guru

Are you Acting Like you Want what You Want?

You walking around saying you want stuff and not actually acting to get it?

That’s pure silliness.

We see this a lot and it seems normal: many walk around wishing and wanting and aspiring…then not doing anything at all.

Society tells us to be normal, toe the line and be a part of what everyone else is doing. We do it…because well, that seems like the thing to do. Doing anything different would be weird – just ask everyone.

It takes some balls to stand up and say, “I will create what I want to create even though it is different!”

It takes more balls to act on it.

Top 5 things to adopt right now to start acting like you want what you want:

  1. Start saying I will instead of I want and see how your intent and phrasing changes.
  2. Start scheduling and allocating energy to the things you put on the ‘will do’ list.
  3. Release your attachment to fitting in: visualize your ideal state of being and accept one element at a time from that vision. Then act on your acceptance by doing it.
  4. Ask yourself why you are doing something you don’t love? Then ask what action you can take to replace it with something you love. Then do it.
  5. Love yourself enough to be your authentic, kickass self.

This isn’t rocket science – intellectually I know you understood this deep inside.  Emotionally though, we crave that acceptance of seeming “normal”. Let it go, no one is truly normal…we are all in some way different, we just squish it below the glaze of normality.

I’m done squishing stuff under that glaze. I’m done doing stuff because everyone else is or thinks I should.  As a result, I am MUCH happier, healthier and in love with me and my life.

You can create your own path, forge your own way and live a super awesome amazing life.  Start accepting that and be truly you.

Act like you want what you want and you will get it.

photo jun 20, 8 27 31 am

Jennifer Murphy

I am a certified personal and executive coach ruthlessly focused on helping people live awesome lives.  I spent a large chunk of my life pursuing other people’s ideas of success and while those experiences were sublime in some cases, they weren’t the “more” I was seeking and I just never felt full. In 2011, I made the commitment to live life on my terms and everything changed. The life I love today was created and I am here to share and teach you exactly how to do the same for yourself.

I am founder of No Limits Life Empowerment Institute as well as a working glass artist, Reiki Master, Partner in Shaman Grocer in Iowa City, and Co-founder of the Midwest Reiki Festival.    My favorite time is spent doing anything soccer related with my aspiring world cup soccer player, 10-year-old Alexander.  I am also a pretty big fan of gaming (PS4) with my partner Craig while solving the world’s social problems. Learn more at http://www.nolimitslife.guru

 

 

What Are you Waiting For?

Isn’t it about time to act on that idea in your head?

It’s been begging for your attention for a while now.  You have been ignoring it.

It has been screaming in your ear to listen and do.  You have been swatting it away like an annoying fly.

The urgency is building, it’s time to act.

All this pent-up energy needs direction.  You need to funnel into productive action, not just a flurry of busy, chaotic movement.

Here is where to start:

  1. Capture your idea – all it’s parts and pieces and glorious color.  Capture it on paper somehow – write it, draw it, type it up.
  2. Talk it over with someone – add whatever you talk about to your picture or writing. Note what questions arise and obstacles that pop up.
  3. Decide which action you can take now – answer a question, make a path around an obstacle, find a fresh set of eyes for perspective, get coaching, find a mentor, get training…whatever it is that you can act on immediate to move forward. It builds the momentum and energy for your idea.
  4. Act. Duh
  5. Refine and determine the next action.

Pretty common sense right?

If you haven’t done it yet, then clearly it wasn’t common sense to you.  So stop arguing– get on it!

We can all use a little support as we do this, so jump on over to Facebook and join the Art of Living Dangerously Facebook Group where we address action oriented Lifestyle Creation on a daily basis!

 

photo jun 20, 8 27 31 amI am a certified personal and executive coach ruthlessly focused on helping people live awesome lives.  I spent a large chunk of my life pursuing other people’s ideas of success and while those experiences were sublime in some cases, they weren’t the “more” I was seeking and I just never felt full. In 2011, I made the commitment to live life on my terms and everything changed. The life I love today was created and I am here to share and teach you exactly how to do the same for yourself.

I am founder of No Limits Life Empowerment Institute as well as a working glass artist, Reiki Master,  Partner in Shaman Grocer in Iowa City, and Co-founder of the Midwest Reiki Festival.    My favorite time is spent doing anything soccer related with my aspiring world cup soccer player, 10 year old Alexander.  I am also a pretty big fan of gaming (PS4) with my partner Craig while solving the world’s social problems. Learn more at http://www.nolimitslife.guru

 

 

 

Advice for Aspiring Coaches

Life Coaching. It attracts people as a profession.

And for good reason.

There are a lot of us out there wondering if we are doing it right.  We question how we can be better. We seek self-help support and we attend classes and events like Leslie Knope seeks waffles (Parks and Rec Reference – watch it if you haven’t, it’s awesome and hilarious).

We are told we offer great advice and people constantly come to us for our wisdom and support.

We think, “I should get paid for this.” When we look at how it’s possible, the easiest path appears to be Life Coaching:

  • Becoming a licensed counselor of any sort requires schooling and there are tons of restrictions.
  • Writing a book feels super hard for reasons from the physical writing to the finding a publisher to the dubious path of self-publishing and rejection.
  • As we cast about for an option, Life Coaching shows up, because it is truly an open field = literally anyone can name themselves a life coach and so it is.

I get approached on this A LOT.  A. LOT.  Emails, coffees, “Quick questions” and clients interested.  Some are interested in how I did it so they can do it too.  I share the same advice over and over, it makes sense to share it here.

Some Facts about the Industry

In 2016 the International Coaches Federation published a Global Coaching Study.  This study shared a few facts like:

  • More than 53,000 Life coaches are working today
  • The average hourly rate for a life coach exceeds $200 and coaches earn an average $51,000 per year
  • 99% had some sort of coach specific training and 81% received accredited training to become certified as a coach

I encourage you to read this brief on the study which shares the highlights.

You can download additional information and/or purchase the full study here .

I share these specific facts because it is easy, super easy, to get caught up on the idea that glamorous lifestyle and coaching are synonymous.  We aren’t all Tony Robbins or Martha Beck.  We aren’t all taking monthly trips to Bali for “retreat” and it isn’t raining $1000s in our living room.  That, my friends, is amazing marketing by business coaches.  It is tough to achieve in 30 days, or even 1 year.  It does take work.

Yes. It is possible to create a successful career as a life coach.

Here is a great satirical look at this phenomenon…good for a giggle ( I LOVE JP Sears work, seriously check out his videos, super awesome):

 

Six Pieces of Advice

Here is the advice I give to people who ask me about being a life coach:

  1. Research:  Put all your questions into the search engine of your choosing and see what kind of answers spew out. You definitely need to read more than just this post – there are tons of experts out there with more than tons of opinions, information caches and expertise to offer.
  2. Ask and Answer these Questions: Why DO I want to be a Life Coach?  What kinds of Problems do I want to solve?
  3. Visit the ICF website and consume all you can about the industry.
  4. Identify how comfortable you are with marketing and sales – you will have to do this as a life coach.
  5. Talk to those closest to you in your life and see what they say.  Take their questions or concerns and research them further.  Figure out how you can make this work – and if you still want to.
  6. Once you have done all of that: engage a life coach.

This last one may seem self-serving.  It’s not.  Having a life coach gives you the exposure to what it feels like to be a client – you need to be a client. Your coach can help you make sense of all the things you researched and discovered in steps 1-5, organize your plan of action and help you move through the process of transforming from where you are to where you want to go.  I won’t advise someone on coaching unless they are willing to be a client themselves.

What?  I need a Coach?

Just like an athlete is coached to improve time, speed, accuracy, strength, skill.  A life coach can help you navigate your improvements to confidence, clarity, and decision making while offering support and accountability.

It is quite possible that even if after spending the time researching all you can, you still have reservations.  A life coach can help you work through those to get the answers right for you.  Life Coaching may not be the answer to your career or calling question.  But following this path can help you discover what is.

A great book to read in this area of calling and sticking to things is Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth. I love everything she has to say about goal setting, purpose finding, and sticking with things. I recommend grabbing a copy and a highlighter and get to reading.

The First Conversation with an Aspiring Coach

I love helping people answer this question of “How do I become a life coach?”.  I love it. And I will tell you, the conversation usually starts out like this:

Me:  Soooo tell me why you want to be a life coach!

You (ubiquitous form): 

“I love people and they are always coming to me for advice and telling me I give such good input.”

OR

“I want a job that pays me well and provides tons of freedom. I love helping people so this made sense.”

OR

“I want to help other people do something they love. My life is kind of a mess right now and if I can start a job I love then I think it’ll straighten out and I can help other people do the same”

And my Favorite – this is the answer I want more than anything:

“I want to work with people to realize what they are capable of and help them get it in a specific area of their life.”

This last person is clear on what they are looking for in seeking coaching as a career.  The previous 3 answers aren’t horrible entry points because they all possess a sincere desire to figure out how to help someone live optimally. An awesome starting position and in many cases help is only needed in getting specific.

These answers create different starting points into becoming a life coach:

  • You may need to do some work in your life first.
  • You may need to do some work getting clear on what you want to do and how.
  • You may need to clarify your own vision.

Being a Good Listener isn’t All there is to Being a Life Coach

Wait. Whaaaaaaaaaaat?

Giving advice is very little of what we do – we are here to help others discover their strengths and what optimal living looks like for them.  That isn’t advice based on our personal experience, it is expertise based on research, experience and training.

Yes, you must be able to listen.  Then you translate what you have heard into insight for the client – actionable insight: a question, an observation, a clarifying point to validate.  You guide them through self-discovery exercises and exploratory experiences.  The focus is 100% on what the client can discover through the lens you can share with them.

You must be able to set ego aside and be fully present – this may be the first time this person has ever been truly heard.  It’s life changing.

Again, another giggle worthy take on this: Shit Life Coaches Say

It’s funny, cuz it’s true.

Your Next Steps

If you are ready to do your research on this as a career, follow the 5 steps I outlined above then contact a coach.  I’d be happy to do a free 1-hour session with you to follow up on your learning and help you find a coach whether it is me or someone in my network based on what you want to do.

We may also find you are a good fit for my Coach’s Collective Membership Group where we explore coaching from multiple dimensions and share expertise among professional coaches across the globe.

Email at jennifer@nolimitslife.guru and we will get something set up.

And in case you haven’t yet caught on, I do view coaching a serious business.  These are people’s lives. And yet…life is funny.  Look for the giggle worthy.

Best of luck on your exploration!

P.S.  You may have noticed I didn’t talk about business plans, technology, websites, blog presence or networking.  I advise getting clear inside on what you want and how, first.  Once you get clear, you’ll be able to whip that stuff out much easier. Your web designer will thank you.

 

 

 

photo jun 20, 8 27 31 am

Jennifer Murphy – Certified Personal and Executive Coach

I am a certified personal and executive coach ruthlessly focused on helping people live awesome lives.  I spent a large chunk of my life pursuing other people’s ideas of success and while those experiences were sublime in some cases, they weren’t the “more” I was seeking and I just never felt full. In 2011, I made the commitment to live life on my terms and everything changed. The life I love today was created.

My background is 10 years in the US Army as an officer, 10 years in Corporate America and then the last 6 running my own business. I have deployed twice in combat scenarios, worked with foreign governments and militaries and worked extensively in international business.  I have an undergraduate in Criminology, an MBA and certification in Positive Psychology. I have led organizations from 3-400 and love developing people and helping them create their next steps in life and work. 

I am founder of No Limits Life Empowerment Institute as well we a working glass artist, Reiki Master,  Partner in Shaman Grocer in Iowa City, and Co-founder of the Midwest Reiki Festival.    My favorite time is spent doing anything soccer related with my aspiring world cup soccer player, 10 year old Alexander.  I am also a pretty big fan of gaming (PS4) with my partner Craig while solving the world’s social problems.