Why Permission is Important

The other day I said, “you have to give yourself permission to do that” and my client looked at me and said, “why is that so important?

Yes, it is a “coachism”, but it is also an important energetic step toward change in many cases. Yet when my client challenged me, I found myself digging deeper for the real answer instead of the safe answer to her question.

It led me to my own journaling on the idea so that I could get really clear on why I tell people to do this, instead of just tossing that out there as a spiritual platitude or to sound like a sage (gag!).

What I came up with was both stabilizing and fresh for me:

  • Permission is important because it opens you up to possibility
  • Permission is important because you are conscious when you GIVE permission – think of it as a permission slip you would sign for a childs’ field trip – this one for a journey of your conscious mind and spirit.
  • Permission is important because of the explicit NO it gives to things you don’t want. By saying yes to something you fill the void waiting – when you implicitly make decisions the void simply gets filled by whatever passes by.
  • Permission is important because by God it is yours to give. No one else gets to say yes or no for you – it’s yours to give: your decision, your right, your choice.

Let’s look at the flip side for a second: Have you ever thought about not being specific and where that gets you?  Not usually where you want to be right?  When you can’t invest in the work to make the small decisions, how on earth would you expect to get to the clarity the big ones need.

Giving yourself permission to explore specific and non-specific ideas, to do or not do something, it is FIRM.  It is unyielding and it is decisive – taking a stance and holding it.  You have drawn the line in the sand with whatever you have given permission to.  It is courageous and will absolutely provide you enhanced clarity in the next step of whatever you are doing.

So yes, you can write this phrase off as something we coaches and spiritualists toss out as woowoo platitudinal mumbo jumbo that is designed purely to assuage your guilt and “move you past” something.  Or you can get serious about intention, about possibility and about what you allow or don’t allow in your life.

Spiritual Platitudes are the band-aids on the sucking chest wounds of our self-inflicted spiritual trauma – they do no good and usually just pile on to the problem.  Permission – intentional decision making – is about proactively engaging in your life, your energetic commitments and your role here in this lifetime.

Grant yourself permission to be courageous and commit to intentional decision making – what do you need to give yourself permission for right now? 

Love? Space? Time? Relationships? Inquiry? Possibility? Money? Health?  the list can go on and on.

Then you want to say something like this:

Today I give myself permission for abundance – to allow in the wealth and security I know I am capable of and to give myself permission to let go of feelings of lack and insecurity. I give myself permission to give no quarter to lack. 

It’s a decision, not a platitude. It’s a position of strength, not weakness.  And permission is yours to dole out to you – go for it.

 

Jennifer Murphy is a coach, teacher, mentor and leader at No Limits Life where she partners with closet creatives, aspiring adventurers, and repressed rebels to move beyond expected success to create the kind of fulfilling life they crave.  To learn more about Jennifer and her team visit www.nolimitslife.guru

 

 

What is at the Core of You?

A few things got lost along the way as we coaches plunged into the realm of saving all of ourselves from ourselves. Our self righteous battle cry of “listen to me! I can save you from the stuff you are tired of doing/need to overcome/are overwhelmed by” rings true, but wow there is a cacophony of crows crowing it from every treetop. And you know what they call a group of crows right? A murder.

This got me thinking about what we are doing in this exploding industry. Are we murdering the self help industry with our online courses and big ticket coaching programs and formulas and lists of ten things you need to stop or start doing now. I know I get overwhelmed and I have gotten to the point where a lot of that stuff is just noise. And that got me thinking about where I fit in all of this, where No Limits Life fits.

I don’t want to Periscope or Hangout. I want to connect. I don’t want to get so bogged down in dogma, scripts, pipelines, autoresponders and templates that I don’t have time to talk to you. I can’t be that person, and I can’t run that business.

In June I have a strategic planning meeting I am facilitating and a speaking gig at a large corporation here in town, both on top of celebrating the fact that we just passed the 5 year mark of being in business as an integrative life coach seeing clients. I am more excited about those two events and the energy of clients I have been attracting than I am about spending another 5 years putting together online courses for you – courses you all tell me your biggest fear about is that you’ll buy it and not finish it. And guess what – you are right! You don’t finish it! Then you feel guilty and don’t want to connect with me or my team because you fear the judgement. Oh. My. God. That is so not what I want for you.

I want to speak to you. Yes you – the one sitting in the energetic corner knowing he or she wants more and scared of what might change (or God forbid not change) if you go after it.

  • I want to tell you that whatever idea you have brewing within is worth the investment in you.
  • I want to tell you that you deserve to be thorough in your analysis, and you deserve to be bold enough to do it without having all of the answers.
  • I want you to know that you deserve time that is just yours and that you don’t have to wait until your retirement years to do you. Live your life for you.

At my last corporate job I was a strategic development manager. Part of that role was to look at what we were doing, finding the opportunities to make it bigger or better or more profitable and then develop the business case to prove or disprove our idea. It was also about knowing our markets and where we played best. As the company flexed in and out of spaces of growth an oft used phrasing seemed perfectly appropriate for what I am feeling in this coaching business: I want to pull back into my core and do what I do well and do it the best out there.

And what is that? What do I do well?

I inspire you to believe in you, to find your inner warrior and to partner with him or her to kick ass and give you all you deserve in this life. I partner with you to shed the mantle of expectation and unleash your repressed rebel, closet creative or aspiring adventurer upon your life and to let your innermost desires out to play and become your reality. This isn’t fantasy, this is your blessed life. No one will love it like you can, and no one will make it the dream life you want except you –it’s all you babe.

At the very first workshop I did at my former employer after I began coaching full time I shared a technique I call “Aligning Priorities” and over a year later I learned of the impact that workshop had on one of the participants. She shared that part of the way through the workshop as she inventoried what she was doing in her life and what was working and what wasn’t, she found herself in tears. She found herself faced with the reality that life wasn’t what she wanted. Fast forward 12 months and she was thriving in a new job, living a very different life that had her smiling and happy to be her. And I had no idea. I sent her a note on Linkedin after noticing the job change and only then did she share her personal evolution and went on to thank me for the nudge that the workshop gave her.

I will gladly take 100 stories like this over 1 unfinished online course.

My team and I talked about this and we agreed, no more formulas, no more online courses that lack interaction, and we turn our focus to interacting with you live: in person, over webinar and the phone. Because your problems aren’t solved by formula and simple self discipline. If so, you would have solved it already. Your opportunities aren’t explored with a yoga class every week, if so you’d have already set the world on fire with them. These challenges are overcome and opportunities seized when you are inspired and supported through the fear to the action.

For you: What is your core? Some might call it your purpose, your calling or your truth. Whatever. You decide to call it, are you waking up and thinking about it, creating it and doing it every day?

There are two pieces to this evolution:

  1. Identify your core.
  2. Think, create, do everyday.

Start with number 1.

Create a list of the things you are doing and what you love about them. Find the common thread. This is leading you to your core. Keep digging until you find the heart of it – the feeling of being home.

Move to number 2.

Ask yourself every moment, is this aligned to my core? If yes, go with gusto. If no, question yourself.

I am not sure how to make it more simple than that. But what I can say is that if it were easy, you’d have already done it. I wish you the best my friend and I can’t wait to see how you core looks shining brightly to the world.

Jennifer Murphy is a coach, teacher, mentor and leader at No Limits Life where she partners with the closet creatives, aspiring adventurers, and repressed rebels to move beyond expected success to create the kind of fulfilling life they crave. To learn more about Jennifer and her team visit http://www.nolimitslife.guru

 

You’ve Gotta Start Somewhere Right?

Listening to the radio on the way back from a soccer tournament recently I heard a disturbing promotion.  The radio station had partnered with a fast food chain to promote going to the chain wearing pajamas at a certain time of night to get burgers and shakes.

If you are not slightly grossed out by this, I beg you to think a little bit harder about why you maybe should be.  Find it yet?

What torqued me even more was that this is the same station promoting a major farmers market in the area.  This gave me one more angle to be grossed out from – cheers to hypocrisy!

One of my principles in The Art of Living Dangerously is to Eat Right and Drink Water.  Experience has shown that when you slow down and make better choices it can’t help but leak into other areas of your life as well and soon healthy lifestyle choices become more convenient.

I suspect if you are here with me, chances are good you are being pulled to a specific or vague “more” that you need to explore and define further.  But you might feel like this radio station is acting at times…sometimes healthy sometimes not and in general exhibiting confusion on the whole idea.

My first foray into choosing the lifestyle I wanted (seeking the “more” definition), actually choosing instead of letting it happen to me, was to buy white organic cotton sheets; a simple thing with a big impact. This action led me to the next choice which was eating habits. As I gained increase consciousness about my eating habits I realized how many not so good choices I had made – the idea of getting burgers and shakes in my PJs wouldn’t have sounded so bad back then – even when I was trying to be “good”.

Let’s stop and think for a moment on our own experience:

  • Think for a moment about the energy that motivates you to get up every morning, have a healthy breakfast, drink some water, meditate and have a workout.
  • Now think about the energy you put into play when you run through a drive thru to grab a burger and shake. (Unless it is In-n-Out Burger in which case I will be right in front of you in line – we all have our weaknesses).

There is a difference right?  And think about how you feel when you have done the first rather than the second. Physically and mentally you feel different don’t you?

Yet, the perceived easy choice is the drive thru.   It is perceived as easier than packing a good lunch and snack for yourself when you leave the house.  It is perceived easier than the time and effort required to think about and act on the food you want to prepare and have for yourself.  It is perceived easier to simply pick a number from a menu and let someone else choose the quality of ingredients your body will receive.

It is perceived easier to not…think?  Really?  Is this true for you?  Have you joined the collective where thinking isn’t yours to do anymore?  Have you decided to relinquish control of your body AND your mind to simply consume whatever is perceived easiest and then simply bear the results?

Let’s examine the facts on this:

  • Organic foods are available at 3 out of 4 stores nationwide according to a report published by the USDA in April 2014.
  • 4% of the total food sales in 2012 were organic according to Nutrition Business Journal growing to 5% in 2014 with impressive year over year growth).
  • Farmers markets nationwide have quadrupled from 1,755 in 1994 to 8,268 in 2014.

My point in sharing those little factoids is that it is easier in recent days than as few as 10 years ago to access healthy food in your local grocery store and just down the block at the local outdoor market.  So what is holding you back from making this decision?

As you look at this decision to eat right and drink water and ask what might be holding you back,  consider where else you are settling.

  1. Are you doing what is expected or perceived expected rather than what you want to do anywhere else in your life?
  2. Do you know where the decisions you are making are based from within you?
  3. Are you satisfied and happy in your life?

You’ve gotta start somewhere if you want to shift anything in your life.  And I am assuming that if you are here with me, something is looking to shift. That’s what I do.  I help people shift to whatever they want to shift. Using the principles of The Art of Living Dangerously I have crafted, created, pushed and pulled my way into a life that is absolutely right for me.  I simply want that for every single person on earth – create the life and lifestyle YOU want.

Learn more about Jennifer Murphy of No Limits Life at www.nolimitslife.guru as she creation functional torch worked glass in her studio and continues to shape the Art of Living Dangerously through her one on one a group work with coaching clients.

References:

Organic Trade Association: https://www.ota.com/resources/market-analysis

NPR: http://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2015/02/05/384058943/are-farmer-market-sales-peaking-that-might-be-good-for-farmers

USDA: http://www.ers.usda.gov/topics/natural-resources-environment/organic-agriculture/organic-market-overview.aspx

Create Your Personal Manifesto in less than 5 hours

What if you had a creed, a set of rules to live by, a list of ideals that focused your daily living and your lifestyle? And it would enable a level of simplicity in your life deeper than you have experienced so far in life.  You’d have a clear understanding of where you are and what support you as you move through the rest of this incarnation.

Sounds decent right?

What would YOU say if you captured the lessons learned, guideposts and truths in your life?  How long would it take you to capture them? Would there be hundreds?  Well, sure there would, if you captured each and every instance of them…but chances are if you looked a little deeper and sought the themes you’d find them.

Are you curious?

Let’s do it.  

Follow the steps below.  In the parenthesis are the recommended times to spend in each activity.

  1. Allocate a chunk of time each day for a week where you record the pivotal experiences and values in your life. (10-20 minutes x 7 days = 140 minutes max)
  2. Spend some time analyzing what you found. (30-45 minutes max)
  3. Document the themes. (10-15 minutes max)
  4. Study them, are these your truths and guideposts? As long as it takes.
  5. Create your manifesto. (60 minutes)

The 13 Principles of The Art of Living Dangerously is mine. It took me 2 decades and 10 minutes to figure them out.  2 decades of finding myself, getting lost and finding myself again. In the end, I worked through the steps above and my 13 Principles of The Art of Living Dangerously came tumbling out.

As it poured out, I realized that YES!  YES!  This is EXACTLY what I live my life based on.  YES!

And then I wanted to share it with all of you…

So I created a program around it and I started blogging around it a little bit.  And it felt vulnerable so I backed off and haven’t been saying much about it!  Crazy right? I have this super cool thing, I know you’ll love it and I know I do and I know it could serve you if I let it!

In fact, after I shared this with a group of corporate women…I had tremendous feedback from them!

No more holding back.  In the coming weeks I will be sharing more and more on this lifestyle touchstone list. I hope you enjoy it.

And by the way….

What would yours say? Email and let me know Jennifer@nolimitslife.guru

Life Coach Jennifer Murphy is the creator of The Art of Living Dangerously, a glass artist, a Co-Director of Vets THRIVE Foundation and passionate about helping others find and fulfill their passion. Learn more on www.nolimitslife.guru

Get a Clue! 3 ways to gain insight to your “More”

You want more out of life?

What is that more?

Don’t know?

Guess what? You are not alone.

Of all the reasons people seek my services, this vies for first place with those seeking business advice and services.

I partner with people to define the “more” they are seeking

and create the path make it real.

Let me demystify this a little for you; because it isn’t as hard as you might think, or as hard as you can make it.  Trust me, I know how to make things super hard.  I am good at complicating things.  If there were a kingdom called “making shite hard when it doesn’t have to be” I’d be The Queen.

Bumps and bruises earned along the way have served to convert me to the strong advocate for simplicity I am today.  Life doesn’t have to be so blessedly hard, answering the big questions need not require you to jump through a shed load of hoops and twirls.

Here are 5 ways to push through your own constructs of “can’t figure out my more” to “oh….there are some clues!”

  1. Levels of Fulfillment. Think about your life.  When do you feel most fulfilled?  Is it when you are helping someone?  What aspect of that in particular?

Example:  I found myself most fulfilled when I got to have conversations with people that resulted in specific action for them to take to better whatever dilemma they found themselves in.   Empty gripe sessions were not fun for me, they left me drained.  I didn’t want to just listen.  And I didn’t want to let anyone go without an action to take to move forward with whatever they were struggling with.

Think of your life and get specific – when, where, how do you feel most fulfilled?

  1. What did you want to do when you were 5? Or 10? Or 15? Clues can reside in our childhood. What called us when we were younger and less jaded by “expectation” or “reality” or limiting beliefs? What did we want before the programming consumed us?

Example: At age 8 my son wants to be “an Army, a soccer player and a police”  His energy is craving the variety, the not being confined, the being active energy that these roles represent to him.  He also has a strong sense of justice and team behavior.  As he ages, the “what” this manifests into may change, but I can see the energies remaining and maturing into what he does with his life.

Go back to those childhood dreams – what energies were you connecting to?

  1. I wish I could…statements. Create a series of “I wish I could….” Then fill in the blanks. You don’t HAVE TO do them, but if you let your imagination and your inner guru guide you in these, you may find that you surprise yourself.

Example:

I wish I could write a book.

I wish I could work out every day.

I wish I could connect people with their purpose.

I wish I could get people to see how to just be who they want to be.

And so on.

Create an entry in your journal, set a timer for at least 5 minutes and create a series of I wish I could statements.  Be open to what flows out, no judging, just writing!  

Those three are decent ways to get started on shaking out some clues to your “what is my more?” answers. To go further, claim your free Confusion to Clarity Strategy Session with me and let’s explore more ways to discover your more.

Jennifer Murphy is a life coach, glass artist, creator of The Art of Living Dangerously.  Learn more at http://www.nolimitslife.guru

Who Feeds First in Your World?

I woke up tired.  I was not excited to greet the day, the tasks before me fell flat without glitter or shine or attraction.

I knew immediately something was off and it took me about 2 seconds to figure out I needed to find some time to feed myself.

One of The 13 Principles of The Art of Living Dangerously is to Feed Yourself First.  I live by these principles based on hard won experience in creating the life I Love.

To feed yourself first means that you fill your physical, mental and energetic reservoirs so that you have what you need to meet your obligations and give to others when called upon.  When you are running on empty, what do you have to give others?  You have empty, you have nothing.

Yet, again and again we find ourselves saying yes when resent it, or at the very least dread it.  We commit, then overcommit to activities, obligations and money. We live beyond the capacity of our bank accounts, hours in the day and energy.  Some perverse logic tells us that the busier we are, the better we are. Or the more “stuff” we have the more important we are.

Bogus.

It is bogus thinking.  It is damaged thinking, bred from the battle lines of social media, the expectations of “everyone” and our belief that someone else’s opinion of us is more important than our own sense of authenticity, health and happiness.  So yeah, I call BOGUS on the idea that more is better and instead argue that when you feed yourself first, you can decide better when you have had enough.  When you let people force feed you or rip “food” from your hand, you are not empowered. You have given away your power.

It’s time to take it back and feed yourself, own your actions and decide what is right for you.

That was my conclusion when I woke that day, tired, grumpy and out of sorts. That night I had a session with a fellow practitioner and confessed my state of mind and realization that I was over committing, taking on things that I didn’t need to and inviting illness if I kept on.  I shared the example that earlier that day, in a part time job I hold, I agreed to work extra hours in a month that I sure as heck won’t have time to offer…as a knee jerk response.

When I committed to this path of mine, I had spiritual surgery to remove the spring in my ass popping me up to volunteer for everything in sight. As I heard myself saying yes to my boss, I wondered if it had somehow grown back in the night without my knowing.

I asked for my colleagues help in, once more, removing it and stepping back into my on philosophy that said I deserve to be taken care of at least as well as I care for others.

So this morning, I spent curled up with a magazine, a good cup of coffee and simply enjoyed for a while.  I ignored the pile of work, I ignored the emails, I ignored the “should” popping up and then ignored the initial extreme discomfort that ensued when I sat down.

As I turned pages, sipped at the brew and breathed deep into my soul, I felt stress and strain slip away, I felt my internal power system coming back online. It felt AMAZING!

When was the last time you fed yourself?

If it has been a while, here are a few things to consider:

  1. It won’t be convenient. Pick a time and do it.  It won’t fit nicely, you will have to say no to something else.  Remember that no is a complete sentence. Practice: No.
  2. This is for you to refuel and recharge. You’d advise a good friend if they were in a similar state right?? Treat yourself at least as well as you’d treat that friend.
  3. Keep it simple. You don’t need anyone else to take time for you. Yeah, a massage or a mani/pedi would be cool, but just go for a walk sans cell phone or partner. Grab coffee and a good book or mag. Do what you want to do, but would “normally” feel guilty indulging in. (Note: Guilt is not an emotion to let be normal.)
  4. Screw the guilt. Seriously.  Who told you that you couldn’t?  Who told you not to?  Who told you that you don’t deserve it?  I call BOGUS again.  Guilt is useless in this exercise.  Be stronger, push past that lie you tell yourself and let guilt be replaced by satisfaction and energy.
  5. Enjoy it. Take a deep breath and enjoy.
Why is this important?

Doing this will bring your energies to bear on what you want, instead of what you feel you “should” want.

  • What you want is to meet and dominate your calling, purpose, path, or whatever you want to call it.
  • What you “should” want is what you think others want you to pursue.

I’d love to hear how you feed yourself. What is the activity you deny yourself most often, that you wish you had more time for and feel guilty for wanting it?

Be honest…

Read this Before you Dismiss your Dreams Again

Today I got to see me a few years ago, not in any one person, but in many.  Of course, it got me thinking…let me share:

Some would be surprised to know that my default is introvert.  I would rather be alone or with a few I truly trust – which is only a few – than a roomful of people.

I love to observe people rather than participate with them.  As a species we are interesting.  Simply fascinating.

But wow, interacting with my clients, my groups and the places I get to go speak and deliver workshops is so powerful!  When you are with the right group…interacting the THE BEST.

Outside of those situations, it is often, really often, that I find myself not quite a part of what is going on.  I don’t mind.  I see it most keenly when I am at my son’s activities because the rest of the time, I tend to be with people more like me: wandering, seeking, creative spirits who want to be authentic and real.

I welcome the separateness I feel.

It’s not that the people I see when I am at my son’s activities aren’t that…it’s just that in general, they are more like the life I took action to move away from than the life I have now.  My life isn’t for everyone.  It is for me and I love it.  I love my life.  I love the randomness, I love the creativity, the lack of a 9-5, the sometimes unstable nature that has me wondering where that next grocery trip is coming from.

While to some it would feel chaotic, to me, it is simple.  There is a simplicity in doing what I love. My soul sighs in love for me as I do it.

I spent today watching people as we went to a soccer tournament, me and my squeak.  I saw the new vehicles, the workout gear never sweated in, the mass produced jewelry, the china made goods, the GMO laden food…I saw my former life reflected in many people around me.  It just is no longer my choice.

As we drove down to the games, my son and I were talking about how his brothers ate when they were home versus him.  It startled me to be reminded of a time when I was trying to feed my family well, making that transition, but hadn’t yet heard of the local Co-op.  I wondered how many people fit that description today. 

I wondered how many would say they are looking for more and better for themselves and struggling to find it.  Because the “it” is not yet defined for them.

A few key questions come to mind: 

 1. How do you define your “it”?

The “it” is personal, it is carnal, it is real and it is scary sometimes.  It can be real scary to know that your life does not suck, but that you know it can be different and be even better.

2. But what is that path to get there?  How do you navigate that? 

We all have that potential for more within us. We all can discover what “it” is in our lives and go after it.

Many who want to be coaches and inspirationalists find themselves in this boat.  “I have an idea, I want to help people, I want my life to be more…BUT” ….and then fill in the blank.  It might be time, money, others taking priority or lack of confidence. Or maybe something else for you?

3. If you can’t make time to live your dream, how do you think that inspires others?

What I find it really boils down to a true lack of order and clarity in your own life if this is you.  Once our own house begins to find order order, once we start the actions to clear away the self imposed chaos, we can find that direction and pursue it with a vengeance…as if angels carried our bags and forged ahead of us marking the path.

4. What needs to be put in order in your house? 

For me, one things was to reconcile with the fact that I enjoy being separate.  I don’t have to be the center of attention to feel valid.  I can be separate and still support my son. I can interact with others but not participate in what doesn’t agree with me.  I can disagree respectfully and not engender hatred.  I can own my decisions.

What is boils down to is truly loving who I have become.

Do you?

You can get to know you and love you if you don’t. Start with the intention to do so and allow the actions come in to your life. Most of us need to increase the time we spend with just us.  Book an hour for just you this week.

Immediately all the reasons that is too hard may have just spring up.  Too bad.  Push through them.  Is this important to you or not?  Do you believe you deserve this or not? 

If you don’t, then even more you need to force this time for you into your life.

Do it and let me know how it felt! 

Jennifer Murphy is a life coach, glass artist, creator of The Art of Living Dangerously.  Learn more at http://www.nolimitslife.guru