One Step

Hello again!  Thank you so much for coming back!

Last month I shared about a personal transformation that I am going through, and it got me thinking about transformations that happen to people.  Which then got me thinking about how much really happens “to” us and how much we choose to happen.  Some people call it fate, or destiny, others call it free will, and still others will say it’s all a matter of what you choose to allow in your life.

I believe it’s a combination of all of them.  So, while we’re not going to talk about the deeper meaning of destiny or fate and the power of the cosmos, I am going to explore the idea of how much control do we have over the things that happen in our life and how much (or little) are we taking responsibility for it?

To give this some context, I’ll give you some various examples of the concepts I mentioned.  A car accident or winning the lottery may be considered fate or destiny, choosing one job over another would be free will, and adding a child to your family or a new car would be choices that we make.  But could each of those examples fall into another category?  The answer is, of course they could!  A car accident could occur because someone chose to text and drive, and you won’t win the lottery unless you play.  Choosing one job over another may be free will, but what factors do we weigh when making that decision?  And adding a child to a family could be an unexpected surprise rather than a choice or buying a new car could be caused by your 30 year old Buick finally kicking the bucket.

All this is to say that no matter what choices we make even with the best intentions and after doing hours of research, some greater power can always play a part.  So how do we move forward in such an unsure and unstable environment?  One step at a time.

Sounds cliché, huh?  But can you really accept that job without filling out an application and interviewing for it first?  Not usually.  Can you have a baby without some kind of fertilization process first?  Nope.  The point is, you have to start somewhere.  The question is, when, when will you start?  And I have the answer…

You will start at the exact moment that you stop letting fear control your decisions.

You’re may be thinking, “Yea, that’s easy to say, but what about paying my bills, or taking care of my kid’s or spending time with friends.”  And my response to that is, at some point all of those become excuses that hold you back because you’re afraid of what might happen if you do try to follow your dreams.  If you want something bad enough, if you make the choice that it is important enough to you, then that is the moment you will also start developing your plan to achieve that dream.

IMPORTANT NOTICE: I don’t want to misrepresent what I’m sellin’ here.  Making the decision to follow your dream isn’t always easy and without pain, sacrifice, tears, and time.  But there will also be laughter, feelings of accomplishment with the little victories you achieve, and celebration!  One thing you may not always find when pursuing your dreams is support from people, even those closest to you.  This is natural because when you are trekking out on a new journey, it can make people uncomfortable because you’re changing and they aren’t sure how that might affect them, or it reminds them of all the dreams they haven’t gone after.  Don’t worry, while this may feel painful at the time, know that if you ever need support on your journey, reach out to me, I am here for you. (apply for  a discovery session)

Now back to you getting everything you want in life.  Once you’ve decided the when (the moment you let go of fear and excuses) you’re now in the purgatory of, How?

While you may feel the urge to quit your job and go back to school full-time, try to resist that urge unless you know you can financially afford it.  Taking this first step forward isn’t about making quick or irresponsible decisions, it’s about giving yourself time (a day, a week, sometimes more) to acknowledge that you have made the choice to follow your dreams, be proud of that choice, and then come up with your first draft (and maybe your only draft) of your action plan.  This can be as detailed or as basic as you want.  There are 2 things I want you to remember about your action plan:

  1. If you choose to go the basic direction, still make sure that you’re considering all the areas that may be affected as you move forward (finances, time commitment, relationships, where you live, etc.) Even if you don’t write each area down, take the time to think through them to make sure you’re considering things that may be pitfalls down the road if they are ignored.  If you’d like some help thinking through different areas, contact me and I would be happy to work through them with you!
  2. And second, be willing to be flexible. Like I mentioned at the beginning, that greater power, whatever you believe, may feel like it’s trying to derail you from achieving your dream.  You will most likely go through times that it feels like everything is working against you.  Don’t give up.  Don’t give in.  This is the universe challenging you to see how bad you really want it.  This is your opportunity to show your strength and determination, and will be the point just before you achieve your dream.

So your homework…

  • Write down a list of ALL the dreams you can think of that you have right now and dreams that you used to have but something happened that made you stop even considering that from ever happening.
  • Then, try to prioritize that list at least to get your top 5 dreams you’d like to achieve.

Once you’ve done that, you’ll be ready for what I have in store for you next month!  Come back again!

If you’d like to get started on your next steps sooner, sign up for a Free Discovery Session!

Until next month, wishing you many blessings!

Kari

Kari Rossetti is a Life Coach specializing in Career Exploration, Empowerment and Freedom.  She has been developing her skills informally over the past 5 years and recently discovered her calling to practice these natural skills professionally while challenging herself to grow and be the best coach she can.  She is obtaining her Professional Coaching Certificate in Personal and Executive Coaching in December 2017 from the Coaching and Positive Psychology Institute.  In her spare time she loves being in nature and playing with her family. She can’t wait to support you on your journey to freedom.

 

 

 

 

Living Dangerously: Being Afraid and Doing it Anyway 

In a recent post I talked about the concept of having faith in limitless possibilities as it related to The Art of Living Dangerously.  To remind you, when I talk about how I define this energy of Living Dangerously, what I am talking about are energies of: 

  • Being afraid and doing it anyway
  • Knowing there is more and going for it
  • Trying new things – taking the leap
  • Seeing new perspectives
  • Experiencing instead of Existing
  • Living by your values
  • Never settling
  • Transcending expectations
  • Having faith in limitless possibilities (read the post)

Maybe one of those resonates more true to your desires or energies…that call from your repressed rebel, closet creative or aspiring adenturer.  Perhaps you need to really get intimate with it and with that intimacy you will discover YOU.  The true you that defies your current reality, but is the energy you feel most called to live.  

My intuition is being drawn to write next on the idea of Courage: Being afraid and Doing it anyway.  

Fear can paralyze us if we allow it to.  Fear is a healthy biological function that keeps us safe.  But we can invest in outcomes that scare us as an excuse to not do something.  We may find ourselves making statements like: 

  • I can’t own my own business, 95% of businesses fail in the first 5 years.  I can’t afford to fail. 
  • I can’t leave this unhappy relationship, our kids will suffer. 
  • I’m afraid to ask for a raise, what if I get fired instead?
  • Yes, I want that change, but I’m afraid life could be worse than it is now and not better.  
  • If I tell him/her/them how I feel I’ll be hurt. 

What these represent are possible uncomfortable outcomes.  And all of them are about you, your discomfort, your personal belief or idea.  How do you overcome that?  How do you press past fear and take the action you want to take? I have three energies I put into action to overcome fears: 

1.  Information.

In many cases, fear of the unknown is king of the reason you don’t act.  I am still constantly surprised after hundred of coaching hours at the number of people I encounter who want something, but have done zero information gathering on the thing they want.  There is a huge information void that allows imagination to collect falsehoods instead of facts.  

Collect the information, figure out the steps, consult your council and consider information versus imagination. 

2.  Focus. 

What if what you focused on flourished?  Let’s pretend you could lose weight with ONLY the power of your mind…you focused on healthy eating, exercise and the picture of you that you wanted.  In my scenario you’d become that picture.  Or if you chose to focus on the version of that you don’t want: the extra 10, 20, 100 pounds.  You wouldn’t shrink, you’d grow! 

For every anxiety or fear you develop, focus on how you want to feel, the result you want and the energy you want to promote in your life. 

3.  Flexibility. 

As disappointing as this may be to you, none of us can magically manifest everything we want immediately.  What an ugly world it would be if we could.  No anticipation, no surprise, no creation…

Instead, we have to be flexible.  Things arrive when we are ready for them, at the right time in our lives, with the right people, etc and so on.  It requires us to be flexible, patient and have faith.  And sometimes what we wished for is green and we actually needed blue.  And when blue shows up we realize our truth.  But it’s there because we put the effort in: we gathered the information and we focused not just on the “thing” but on how we wanted to feel and be with it – so the right thing could arrive. It’s a little bit spiritual right? 

Be flexible with the outcome, continue to do the work and trust that what is in highest vibration for you will be produced. 

Courage is being afraid and doing it anyway and faith is trusting that you will be okay along the journey.  I have been in business a little over 5 years now and there hasn’t been a point in every year that I have wondered if I was supposed to keep going: a downtime, a tough client encounter, a missed opportunity, a fear that I wasn’t good enough and more.  I wake in the middle of the night wondering if this is the month it all collapses.  I find a reason to doubt my abilities and being to let doubt turn into a harsh inner critic which allows fear to take hold and self-sabotage grips my neck in a strangle hold.  It’s fear, bold and brash attempting to form around my world. 

I have to put to work all three of my countering energies in those times:  Information, Focus and Flexibility. 

Here is one: 

Late last year I formed a non-profit for veterans – a veteran myself I was passionate about the cause we were working toward. Fear showed up immediately as we decided whether or not to pursue this big thing. We pressed past it. As we went on though,  I found myself struggling to make time for it, hard pressed to get everything done,  missing the signs that my partner and I were on different wavelengths and living in fear of how it would all come together.  

I sat down and looked at the three energies and I realized this about them: 

1. Information.  When I examined the facts around my schedule, my commitments and where the organization was, I realized my role had come to a conclusion. I clearly saw what was needed next and knew I had the skills to take it on, but that it wasn’t mine to do. 

2.  Focus.  This was not an entity I could part time focus on.  And it wasn’t going to flourish under part time, stressed out focus.  Financially I was not in a position to focus more fully, and there was a timeline being pressed that I couldn’t support. 

3. Flexibility. I had to concede to myself that I was not the right person for this organization anymore.  I had to realize that the way the mission was shaping up was not the mission I had originally envisioned and that instead a new worthy mission  formed from another’s vision was growing.  And that was awesome. 

So I resigned.  I’d love to say that was received with the grace I intended, but it wasn’t.  There were harsh words, accusations and insults hurled about me – unfortunately never to me.  In the final analysis, I could see all of the points at which I had been afraid and done it anyway from concept to conclusion of my role.  And now – an organization is growing to serve vets in a really cool way in this community.  

Recently the idea of breaking up with a bad situation was shared with me.  As I write this, I realize that my story of being afraid and doing it anyway is also a break up story with the pain of that experience with the non-profit.  Facing the fear around self doubt in that entire process, putting to rest the energy associated with it and opening myself up for the work I truly want to do to help veterans.  So now I get to work the process all over again: information, focus and flexibility! 

Whatever you want, but are afraid of…work the process and press past the fear. 

Live Dangerously, Be You