How Self Coaching Works

Warning: I use the F word in this post.  If that offends you…either ignore it or quit reading now.

I’m going to give you a peek at what self-coaching looks like.  My goal is that every client I work with can employ this after working with me as the first line of offense when their optimal life is threatened.

Here is me, right now:

Some days fucking suck.

That’s not really what I mean.

What I mean is there are days I must look a whole hell of a lot harder for the upside than others.  I always find it because I want to.  I really want to believe in the best aspects of this world we live in.  I think it’s possible we live in a world where people can be super chill and respect each other and act on their beliefs.

I see a fuckton (yes it’s a word) of bullshit around me.  And through that lens of optimism I choose how I handle my engagement with that.

Received some crap from my kid’s soccer club yesterday that really set me off.  The background is that my son chose to screw around for the last year or so and not engage at his very best in his sport of choice.   Simultaneously, the club decided to institute an “A” and “B” team philosophy for the U11 age group.

I’m all in on competition.  Seriously – give me a challenge and I will prove how ridiculous your skepticism at my abilities is. I was less than thrilled at the prospect of my son at 10 being potentially told he wasn’t good enough for the A team.  We talked mental strategy and physical commitment and he went for it.  He was assigned to the B team.

Devastation. Tears. Confusion.  Questioning.

And he was pretty upset too.

Through his tears he asked me what he did wrong.  How the fuck am I supposed to answer that?

We connected with his coach who had some encouraging and constructive words for him and we developed a mindset strategy for moving past this.  We also talked application of that strategy in a series of upcoming practices, a tournament he was participating in and the multiple soccer camps he requested for this summer.

(I am currently selling body parts to finance all of this. Anyone need a pinky finger?)

He played.  He played like I haven’t seen him play in a while. His fire was back. Go figure…my kid needed a challenge to get him fired up and re-engaged.  He had been bored. I get that and I can work with it.

I’m feeling good about all of this.

Then yesterday I get the rosters for the teams for the fall in his age group.  His team doesn’t have a full roster and doesn’t even have enough to field a team.  Exactly how is this supposed to work?  Parents are jumping to conclusions all over the place.  I am sitting back and choosing my engagement.  Parents are now cancelling their commitments.  They are pulling their kids.

Holy cow.

Should I?  Nope, not my way. I don’t do things simply because others are.

I wait to see how the club director will respond.  I am disappointed.  There is no plan shared.  In fact, we are told that the rosters were created without a plan.  That they are working on one after their break and will share it at the parent meeting in 2.5 weeks.

Not good enough.  Not good enough by even a little bit.

What now?  How do I coach myself through this?  Well, I start with looking at what is true here:

  1. My kid earned the spot.
  2. The club director doesn’t have a plan, though he promises one.
  3. My kid loves, loves this sport. He committed to growing through this situation.

The values I am using to filter this:

  • Authenticity
  • Honesty
  • Commitment
  • Passion
  • Freedom
  • Transformation
  • Growth
  • Professionalism

What skeptical, cynical me thinks:

This is complete bullshit, find a new club.

This lack of communication means there was no plan and now they’ve been caught so they are scrambling.

What you allow will continue.

Intuitive me says:

He will thrive in a new environment

Yes, he earned that spot, but he also deserves more from himself and from his support system.

Questions still lingering:

What would a move to a new club (assuming I can find a roster spot) do for him – what message would it send?

Will the plan be good enough?

Actions I will take:

  1. Be direct with my response to the club director. I expect more. He needs to know that.
  2. Investigate other options for him to play if the plan isn’t satisfactory.
  3. Discuss with his father.
  4. Consult with his coach.
  5. Love and support him no matter what.

If you have a near term threat to your optimal lifestyle, take it through those analysis steps (the ones in bold).  Consider what actions you need to take to resolve it. These threats aren’t always immediately contained.  Sometimes they take a bit of work.  Working through them using your authentic, best self is way better than just reacting. 

Coach yourself.  And if coaching yourself doesn’t work, get a coach. And hey…I’m a coach, you could apply for a lackluster to limitless session with me and we’d see if it’s a good fit by working through what’s on your near-term threat list.

photo jun 20, 8 27 31 am

I am a certified personal and executive coach ruthlessly focused on helping people live awesome lives.  I spent a large chunk of my life pursuing other people’s ideas of success and while those experiences were sublime in some cases, they weren’t the “more” I was seeking and I just never felt full. In 2011, I made the commitment to live life on my terms and everything changed. The life I love today was created.

My background is 10 years in the US Army as an officer, 10 years in Corporate America and then the last 6 running my own business. I have deployed twice in combat scenarios, worked with foreign governments and military and worked extensively in international business.  I have an undergraduate in Criminology, an MBA and certification in Positive Psychology. I have led organizations from 3-400 and love developing people and helping them create their next steps in life and work. 

I am founder of No Limits Life Empowerment Institute as well we a working glass artist, Reiki Master,  Partner in Shaman Grocer in Iowa City, and Co-founder of the Midwest Reiki Festival.    My favorite time is spent doing anything soccer related with my aspiring world cup soccer player, 10 year old Alexander.  I am also a pretty big fan of gaming (PS4) with my partner Craig while solving the world’s social problems. 

 

 

 

 

Moving Announcement!

Moving on (again)

I strategize. I plan. I take action.    

This is my process.  This is how I lead, how I execute and how I live.

No Limits Life Empowerment Institute is moving! (and so is shaman grocer and my glass studio!)

We’ve been planning for this move for at least a year and it is happening right now! I’m very excited.  Beyond excited and it’s been a super weird crazy experience, as it usually is when you level up your life and people around you…well, don’t.

I’ve been through this a few times and I’ve seen it with others.  When people decide to make a change that has them departing from a group or institution, the group or institution has a choice how it will react: be excited and supportive or take offense.  I’ve somehow ended up with some pretty low vibration associations which have taken the offense path and I am currently writing up some information and analysis on how to deal with that if it happens to you…because it happened to me.

Bottom line: low vibration atmospheres suck – literally suck the life out of you.  High vibration is the way to go – they empower and support and require more from the best of you while growing you.  Be high vibe.

BACK TO THE EXCITEMENT PART!

Here is the scoop:

No Limits Life Coaching became No Limits Life Empowerment Institute a few months ago.  You may have noticed that, or you may need to wake up….seriously, pay attention people! We have moved primarily online and are working on building our online home right now. (It’s like we are living in our RV on the property and are watching construction.)

We are also available locally and totally willing to travel to your home state or city for workshops or events.  Especially if you live near the beach or are anywhere in Washington State, California or Colorado.  I, Jennifer will personally be working out of the co-working space in Cedar Rapids – The Vault, for a while and I’m super excited! Our mission at No Limits Life Empowerment Institute is to help you move forward with your life using your strengths.

Shaman Grocer, our store is relocating to Iowa City, Iowa – home of the University of Iowa a big ten school you may have noticed on ESPN, the BIG10 network or anywhere college football is spoken of in loud bawdy cheers.  Or your doctor may have a diploma from there on her wall.  We will be at 114 ½ College Street in suite 5 in an area with a seedy reputation that is part of its charm for us and is slowly shifting from seedy to centered – the Hall Mall.

Shaman Grocer is our physical extension of the energy we cultivate daily.  As a minimalist it may seem a little weird that I own a store but here is how that works: we want you to buy things that you both love and that have function.  We sell our glass work but also things like sage, palo santo, resins, and local made soaps.  We cultivate relationships with local artists to find functional pottery, fabric items and woodworked pieces.  We offer incense, incense burners, and buy only what we can link to the source – we try our best to be responsible!! Our mission is to help you “Find your piece to find your Peace.”

(We’ll be online roughly 3 months after I wanted to be, later next week and I will share that link with you.)

Our glass studio is moving home with us.  We’ll be back up and running later this summer after we get into our new home and we will offer lessons again.  We may just be a little more selective since we are inviting you into our home.

So yes!  We are moving 3 currently co-located businesses into 3 separate locations.  Yes, it is chaotic as it sounds.  But we planned for this: we strategized, we planned and now we are acting.

….and it feels so good!

Keep up by making sure you follow up online:  

No Limits Life Empowerment Institute Instagram or Facebook @nolimitslifeempowerment

Shaman Grocer on Instagram @shamangrocer

Glass on Instagram @gatheringelements and @j.mo_dab

 

Jennifer Murphy is a life coach, help captive in Iowa, but willing to stay because her son anchors her in place and he is so totally worth it!  An expert in helping people across the globe prioritize their values to create a life centered on what they value most, allowing them to shed stress, overwhelm and the BS that can suck the soul from daily living.  Learn more at http://www.nolimitslife.guru 

 

When You Are Sick

It all started with a “tickle” in the back of the throat. Then came the runny nose. Pretty soon, it was a full-fledged cold.

I’m not going to get into specifics about my cold (yuck!), but I want to invite you into a little exploration of the lesson of sickness.

Don’t worry; this won’t hurt a bit.

A week doesn’t pass where I don’t answer at least a few questions from someone – a client, friend or even a relative – about how to increase their intuition. I give my usual answers (meditation, learn a system, etc.), until the one that usually makes them stop in their tracks: listen to their own body. Believe it or not, the human body is an incredible intuition alert system, and, when it comes to sickness, the body can be a living opportunity to teach us volumes about ourselves and our relationships.

My own sickness had plenty to teach me, especially about spiritual identity and the role of spiritual practices in my life.

How did I get to that realization?  Let’s back up a bit.

Sickness is a sign of something out of sync or dis-ease in the human system. Notice I said “system,” not “body.” As human beings we are a composition of body and soul together, so dis-ease is not just a body problem; it can be a soul/mind problem as well.

Now that doesn’t mean that every physical problem can be directly traced to mind/soul problem. There are books that create numerous connections between body problems and life issues. These systems are interesting, and certainly have validity in some cases, but I don’t see a 100% correlation between the two. Sometimes bodily sickness simply happens.

Regardless of whether the sickness is a sign of deeper mind/soul problems, our response to that sickness is the same: we stop. The body wants to stop. We respond to that desire by attending to the needs of the body, making sure that we get appropriate medical care, adequate rest, and proper nutrition for efficient healing.

While attending to the body, it is also important to attend to the mind/soul as well. Many times there is a lesson or two that we are being taught in our sickness, which couldn’t be learned at any other time. This is the beginning of “hermit time.”

How we use our “hermit time” in sickness is very important. There are really three ways that we can use this time. First, we could use it as “poor-me” time, bemoaning our illness, lost time at work, our own personal suffering, and finding ways to ensure that everyone around us feels our pain in as many ways as possible. As we pursue this tactic, we generally feel our illness for a considerably longer time.

Second, we could use our hermit time as “extended work time.” We could get caught up on all that extra work, start a few more projects, and fee like we’ve accomplished a great deal. Of course, we also end up feeling worse for a longer period of time.

Finally, we could use our hermit time as time to listen. After all, our bodies are finally in a holding pattern, in a sort of desert where the heart can finally speak to us without being interrupted by the next urgent task on our list.

“I want to listen,” you say, “but how?” You certainly don’t want to fall into self-delusion where your mind wanders into strange territory, and you also don’t want to miss important insights.

There are four steps to listening to the heart during your hermit time:

  1. Get quiet
  2. Ask what the lesson/problem is
  3. Listen for the answer
  4. Treat the answer as the beginning of a conversation with the heart

1. Get quiet. To get quiet, I mean really quiet. No electronic devices. No phones. No Facebook. No television, Netflix, or movies. No radios or mp3’s. No books (you thought you could get away with that one, eh?). In other words, no input from outside. Picture yourself as being stranded in a literal desert, with no connections to the outside world. You cannot hear your heart when you’re distracted by everything else around you.

2. Ask what the lesson/problem is. Ask your heart what the actual problem or lesson is that you’re supposed to learn. Keep this very simple. Your heart is the core of who you are, your True Self, that contains an immense amount of wisdom. It is also your intimate companion through life. Ask this wise friend your deepest question, expecting the perfect response.

3. Listen for the answer. When you listen for the answer, pay attention to everything: your thoughts, feelings, even your memories, as they emerge in your consciousness. As you listen, disregard the first two or three answers that come up; they are often answer from the ego, trying to derail you from the work of genuine growth. If one of those answers happens to be the important one, fear not; it will come up again in a few moments!

At this point, it is helpful to have a notebook handy for insights as you receive them. If you rely solely on your memory, you will probably forget about 30-60% of what follows. So take good notes!

4. Treat the answer as the beginning of a conversation with the heart. This is where people usually don’t go. Go off the beaten track, and explore the answer further. Start talking to your heart, and also to Source/Higher Power/God about the answer you’ve intuitively received. (Yes, this is your intuition at work!) Have a very simple, loving and honest conversation about what it means for you, and how you can apply the lessons in your life. As in the previous step, pay attention to thoughts, feelings and even memories as they emerge; they are often veiled responses in your conversation. Yes, this does take some time, but I promise you: the conversation is worth it!

The result of this process is a conversation and insights that either set you on a new path in some part of your life, or fine-tunes the path you are walking right now. Sometimes, you may even find that your sickness will last a shorter time, since the lesson has been learned.

Every sickness is an opportunity for growth. The next time you get a cold, or your body is telling you to get some rest, try the approach I’ve outlined to get the most out of it.

Don MDonMarlette(558x800)arlette is, among many other things, a member of the No Limits Life team.  His unique blend of psychic insight, mediumship and practical wisdom guide spiritual practitioners and everyday people through the perils of everyday getting by to build lives that feel like they are singing their heartsong.  Learn more at www.nolimitslifeinstitute.com