How Self Coaching Works

Warning: I use the F word in this post.  If that offends you…either ignore it or quit reading now.

I’m going to give you a peek at what self-coaching looks like.  My goal is that every client I work with can employ this after working with me as the first line of offense when their optimal life is threatened.

Here is me, right now:

Some days fucking suck.

That’s not really what I mean.

What I mean is there are days I must look a whole hell of a lot harder for the upside than others.  I always find it because I want to.  I really want to believe in the best aspects of this world we live in.  I think it’s possible we live in a world where people can be super chill and respect each other and act on their beliefs.

I see a fuckton (yes it’s a word) of bullshit around me.  And through that lens of optimism I choose how I handle my engagement with that.

Received some crap from my kid’s soccer club yesterday that really set me off.  The background is that my son chose to screw around for the last year or so and not engage at his very best in his sport of choice.   Simultaneously, the club decided to institute an “A” and “B” team philosophy for the U11 age group.

I’m all in on competition.  Seriously – give me a challenge and I will prove how ridiculous your skepticism at my abilities is. I was less than thrilled at the prospect of my son at 10 being potentially told he wasn’t good enough for the A team.  We talked mental strategy and physical commitment and he went for it.  He was assigned to the B team.

Devastation. Tears. Confusion.  Questioning.

And he was pretty upset too.

Through his tears he asked me what he did wrong.  How the fuck am I supposed to answer that?

We connected with his coach who had some encouraging and constructive words for him and we developed a mindset strategy for moving past this.  We also talked application of that strategy in a series of upcoming practices, a tournament he was participating in and the multiple soccer camps he requested for this summer.

(I am currently selling body parts to finance all of this. Anyone need a pinky finger?)

He played.  He played like I haven’t seen him play in a while. His fire was back. Go figure…my kid needed a challenge to get him fired up and re-engaged.  He had been bored. I get that and I can work with it.

I’m feeling good about all of this.

Then yesterday I get the rosters for the teams for the fall in his age group.  His team doesn’t have a full roster and doesn’t even have enough to field a team.  Exactly how is this supposed to work?  Parents are jumping to conclusions all over the place.  I am sitting back and choosing my engagement.  Parents are now cancelling their commitments.  They are pulling their kids.

Holy cow.

Should I?  Nope, not my way. I don’t do things simply because others are.

I wait to see how the club director will respond.  I am disappointed.  There is no plan shared.  In fact, we are told that the rosters were created without a plan.  That they are working on one after their break and will share it at the parent meeting in 2.5 weeks.

Not good enough.  Not good enough by even a little bit.

What now?  How do I coach myself through this?  Well, I start with looking at what is true here:

  1. My kid earned the spot.
  2. The club director doesn’t have a plan, though he promises one.
  3. My kid loves, loves this sport. He committed to growing through this situation.

The values I am using to filter this:

  • Authenticity
  • Honesty
  • Commitment
  • Passion
  • Freedom
  • Transformation
  • Growth
  • Professionalism

What skeptical, cynical me thinks:

This is complete bullshit, find a new club.

This lack of communication means there was no plan and now they’ve been caught so they are scrambling.

What you allow will continue.

Intuitive me says:

He will thrive in a new environment

Yes, he earned that spot, but he also deserves more from himself and from his support system.

Questions still lingering:

What would a move to a new club (assuming I can find a roster spot) do for him – what message would it send?

Will the plan be good enough?

Actions I will take:

  1. Be direct with my response to the club director. I expect more. He needs to know that.
  2. Investigate other options for him to play if the plan isn’t satisfactory.
  3. Discuss with his father.
  4. Consult with his coach.
  5. Love and support him no matter what.

If you have a near term threat to your optimal lifestyle, take it through those analysis steps (the ones in bold).  Consider what actions you need to take to resolve it. These threats aren’t always immediately contained.  Sometimes they take a bit of work.  Working through them using your authentic, best self is way better than just reacting. 

Coach yourself.  And if coaching yourself doesn’t work, get a coach. And hey…I’m a coach, you could apply for a lackluster to limitless session with me and we’d see if it’s a good fit by working through what’s on your near-term threat list.

photo jun 20, 8 27 31 am

I am a certified personal and executive coach ruthlessly focused on helping people live awesome lives.  I spent a large chunk of my life pursuing other people’s ideas of success and while those experiences were sublime in some cases, they weren’t the “more” I was seeking and I just never felt full. In 2011, I made the commitment to live life on my terms and everything changed. The life I love today was created.

My background is 10 years in the US Army as an officer, 10 years in Corporate America and then the last 6 running my own business. I have deployed twice in combat scenarios, worked with foreign governments and military and worked extensively in international business.  I have an undergraduate in Criminology, an MBA and certification in Positive Psychology. I have led organizations from 3-400 and love developing people and helping them create their next steps in life and work. 

I am founder of No Limits Life Empowerment Institute as well we a working glass artist, Reiki Master,  Partner in Shaman Grocer in Iowa City, and Co-founder of the Midwest Reiki Festival.    My favorite time is spent doing anything soccer related with my aspiring world cup soccer player, 10 year old Alexander.  I am also a pretty big fan of gaming (PS4) with my partner Craig while solving the world’s social problems.